Christmas Time Is Perfect Chance To Make Bookie Your Bitch With These NFL And College Football Bets, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Ho, ho, fucking ho, bro.

Check it out, my friend. If you want to be fucking ho this Christmas, then let’s make some fat Rupee with these bets on silly game of American football so you can purchase hooker. I’m talking Uncle Rishabh fat, bro. Dude is like 400-pounder now. Can’t lay off the starches, bro.

Anyway, here is what I am thinking for this weekend and week, bro:

NCAA

Minnesota (+5.5) vs. Georgia Tech – Quick Lane Bowl

Let me tell you something, bro. This Minnesota team is starting to score point against good defense, and if there is one coach in this country who could fire up team to play in shit from pig bowl in city like Detroit like Quick Lane Bowl, it is this P.J. Fleck. Not only will Minnesota cover in this one, but they will probably win, bro. Most of these Yellow Jacket players would rather be in hell than Detroit after Christmas, so expect them to either be hungover or just lazy as fuck in this one, bro…

TCU at California OVER 38.5 Points – Cheez-It Bowl

Check it out, bro. Normally if you were to take over in California game, Rakesh would say that you are crazier than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught that guy fucking a goat at family reunion. Sick shit, bro. Each of these teams has scored over 20 points just once since Halloween, so taking under seems like logical choice in this one, and it would seem that most entertaining part of this one would be cracker commercials, but when 88 percent of public has the under, you have no choice but to take over and hope for miracle and a few turnovers, bro…

Miami (-3) vs. Wisconsin  - Pinstripe Bowl

Look, bro. Backup quarterback will be playing for Badgers in this one, and when you take into consideration that normal starting quarterback is shit from pig and this clown show couldn’t beat him out for job, well, that should tell you that Miami defense will make this guy their bitch all day long. Look for turnover chain to make at least three appearance in this one. Fat Wisconsin coach might have heart attack in this one too, bro. Anyway, look for Miami to win by more than three in this one, but Rakesh highly suggest watching internet porn instead of this shit from pig game, bro…

NFL

Tampa Bay +7 at Dallas

Listen, bro. Last week this Buccaneers team come up huge for us against Baltimore by covering with hook, and I think smart play is to continue betting on rapist quarterback who surprisingly isn’t on Dallas roster. Once again, watch for this Jameis Winston fellow to pretend that Dallas defense is Uber driver and make them his bitch. Silly American public is loading up on Cowboys, and if there is one thing Uncle Omkar told me before he was sent to Howrah prison for fixing local cricket match, it was that you should never trust stupid betting public. Bucs in this one, bro…

Houston at Philadelphia UNDER 47 Points

Check it out, bro. This Eagles team is different team with this Big Dick Nick under center, and it seems as though even defense is better with him at quarterback. Eagles need this game to stay alive for playoff, so watch for defense to hit Texan players harder than Uncle Vinay used to hit girlfriend after accidentally burning lamb at dinner. Probably less than 40 point scored in this one, bro…

Green Bay (-3) at New York Jets

I’m telling you, bro. Everybody in media is starting to think this Aaron Rodgers is bitch player or whatever you call it in this country. Well, bro, you watch for him to make both Jets defense his bitch when he throws for four touchdowns this afternoon, and in the process you’ll make your bookie your bitch when Packers win by 20 point, bro…

2018 so far, bro: 44-35

Last time: 3-3

NCAA: 22-18

NFL: 22-17

Wait, there’s more, bro: Duquesne Covers Against Penn State – Oh Wait, Coach Gets Two Technical Fouls In Final Six Seconds And Penn State Covers

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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