Why Empty Pockets On Gifts When You Can Fill Pockets With Rupee By Making Bookie Your Bitch, Bro?

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Nothing better than ordering holiday hooker with all of those Rupees you win betting on this silly game of American football.

Rakesh is back to hitting at more than 57 percent of his picks. Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, bro…

NCAA

Michigan at Ohio State OVER 53 Points

Check it out, bro. This game is bigger than Uncle Rishabh’s gunt, and that dude is something like  400-pounder now, bro. Can’t lay off the carbs, he tells Rakesh. Anyway, my friend, there will be so much money on this one that thugs in Vegas will have no choice but to make sure fix is in, and when that happens, you do what Uncle Omkar told me before he went to prison for fixing local cricket match in Howrah: bet against the public, bro. In this case, majority of bettors take under and move it down four full points. Rakesh say, “Thanks for the free money, bitch.” Load up on over and order two hookers this time with winnings, bro…

New Mexico State at Liberty OVER 73.5 Points

Look, bro. This one is easier than my ex-girlfriend Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah. Even Cousin Gokul, who was shit from pig badminton player in school because he was born with baby left arm, got a piece of that poon. Both of these defenses give up yards and points like they are out on 50-yard line smoking blunt or whatever you call it in this country instead of trying to tackle opponent. No bull shit, bro. This one could hit by end of third quarter. Load and lock up on the over in this one as well, bro…

Arkansas State (-11) at Texas State

Seriously, bro. This one is simpler than Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. He spends most of day with hand in his anus. Sad shit, bro. Bottom line is that Arkansas State is complete football team, and Texas State is so shit from pig that they should probably cancel football program. Load and lock up on Arkansas State in this one, bro…

NFL

Cleveland at Cincinnati (-1)

Let me tell you something, bro. This Bengals team brought in former Browns coach Hue Jackson as special advisor or some shit specifically for these two games against Browns. He did superb job making sure Browns did not win games while he was on their sideline, and he will continue that trend while he is on Bengal sideline, bro. If you’re looking to get crazy, you might want to think about parlaying over in this one, as Rakesh think Baker Mayfield will try to throw pigskin up Jackson’s fat ass until final second finally tick off the clock, bro. Take Cincinnati for sure though, bro…

Green Bay at Minnesota OVER 47.5 Points

Listen, bro. For this shit from pig Packers team, this is their season. If they lose, buffoon coach Mike McCarthy will finally have fat ass shipped out of town because it will be second year in a row not making playoffs. This Aaron Rodgers might have one of those five touchdown games up his sleeve because he thinks it will somehow help fire victims in California. It won’t, but all of those points will help put Rupee in your pocket and hooker on your lap. Take the over in this one, bro…

Seattle at Carolina (-3)

Check it out, bro. This will be like Russell Wilson and his Seahawk teammates playing football game at 10 in the morning. Meanwhile, super pimp Cam Newton knows that this losing streak needs to stop right now, and he will make sure Panthers come out on top in this one. If you’re thinking that Wilson and Seattle somehow pull upset in this one, you’re crazier than Uncle Kunal and we once caught that guy fucking a goat at family reunion. Sick shit, bro. It’s Panthers all day in this one, bro…

2018 so far, bro: 35-26

Last week: 5-2

NCAA: 17-14

NFL: 18-12

Wait, there is more, bro: That ‘Authentic’ Mexican Bar ESPN Kept Cutting To During MNF? Yeah, Turns Out It Was A Buffalo Wild Wings

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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