Tough Week For Miami Dolphins Fans, As One Is Busted Watching VR Porn In The Library While The Other Is Caught Humping A Tiny Horse

dophins vr porn

by Frank Rhombus

The Bills Mafia might fuck each other on the hood of a Corolla, but at least they don’t plow ponies.

The Miami Dolphins did everybody a solid and didn’t play a game this past Sunday, and it appears as though their fans had a hard time coming up with something else to do instead of sitting in front of the tube and watch Kenyan Drake get three carries.

Here’s one fan who decided to go to the library to watch virtual reality porn. Just how do we know that’s what he was tuning into? Well, the fact that he tried to tune into Tokyo is one giveaway, but it’s not as damning as the fact that he forgot to plug in his headphones. Oops, Suzie.

Oh, and shoutout to the librarian who approached him with a bottle of sanitizer and a roll of paper towels before he ran out of the door just a tad more athletically than Brock Osweiler running out of the pocket.  

The good news for this guy? It’s not the worst thing a Dolphins fan has done over the last month, as some sick fuck named Nicholas Sardo decided to penetrate a miniature horse…wait for it…four times. Although, it turns out he’s not totally fucked in the head, guys. After all, he wrapped it up. From Fox 4 Now:

Deputies say that on October 16, a witness came forward and reported that she had witnessed Sardo having sex with a miniature male pony named Jackie G in a pasture on a family member’s property three days earlier.

Another witness came forward saying she saw it as well, and she approached Sardo about what she had seen, according to the sheriff’s office. Sardo immediately admitted to her that he had sex with the horse and also gave the same admission to a detective investigating the allegation.

Sardo added that he had sex with the horse four times during the course of a week, according to the detective. The sheriff’s office stated in a press release that, “he used a condom each time because he didn’t want to get a disease from the horse.”

Here he is supporting his beloved Dolphins on the same day a witness accused him of fucking a male pony:

In a related story, I feel awesome about who I am today…

Wait, there’s more: Who Farted To Make The Stage ‘Smelly’ During A Recent Grand Slam Of Darts Match?

You have got to see this shit:

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