This 57-Year-Old Idiot Threw A Hammer At A Texas A&M Student Over A Tailgating Dispute

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by Tommy Gimler

Over a 6-4 team that’s just 4-3 in conference play? Yeah, totally worth it.

If you met 57-year-old Texas A&M Aggies fan Robert Patterson before this past Friday, odds are you would best describe him as the Aggies fan who is batting way out of his fucking league by landing a smoking hot wife named Renada.

I mean:

pattersons

Let’s be honest. It’s probably the fact that he’s pulling down a shit ton of cash selling commercial real estate or some shit and not the jeans and running shoes combo he’s sporting in this picture that helped him land that beauty.

But now? Oh yeah, his family and everybody else on the planet are going to know him as the dude who got arrested when he showed up to claim his choice tailgating spot a full day before two teams that were a combined 4-7 in conference play squared off for a meaningless game at Kyle Field. And just how does an adult 35 years removed from college life do that? You guessed it – he throws hammers at current students.

Let’s take a peek at how that worked out for him. From KXXV:

Police said the argument began when 57-year-old Robert Patterson removed the 21-year-old’s stakes from the ground that outlined the area claimed for tailgating at the football game the following day. When police arrived at the tailgating spot near the Texas A&M University Student Rec Center, the victim had a visible red spot on his arm from the hammer.

The victim told police he had completely set his stakes in the ground before Patterson arrived. Patterson then started to remove the victim’s stakes and replace them with his own, causing the argument. The victim said Patterson threatened to hit him with the hammer several times before doing so.

Police believe Patterson had been drinking before the argument. He claimed he did not hit the victim with a hammer at first, but then later said he did hit him, but unintentionally. Patterson was arrested on Friday afternoon for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. He bonded out of the Brazos County Jail on Saturday on a $26,000 bond.

Just an absolute lunatic. Sounds like the kind of guy who would pass up a chance at taking his wife to pound town because it was still the third quarter in his beloved Texas A&M team’s appearance in the Valero Thrifty Car Rental Bowl brought to you by Little Caesars. However, if you’re the 21-year-old college kid who already had his stakes in the ground, Patterson drilling you in the arm with a hammer is what’s known in the biz as the fucking jackpot.

I mean, what’s it going to take to not pursue a lawsuit against Patterson, a guy who’s obviously making bank? Well, taking care of $75,000 worth of tuition bills and a $750 tab at Dixie Chicken should do the trick. Thanks, Bob…

Wait, there’s more: The 5 Greatest Things We Saw From Week 10 Of The NFL

You have got to see this shit:

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