Forget Election Night, The Real Winner Is This Drunk Guy Who Jumped On A Horse And Tried To Ride It At Churchill Downs

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by Tommy Gimler

I once thought the greatest thing I would ever see at the horse track was two broads going to town on each other in the men’s room at Hollywood Park when that joint still existed.

Of course, I’d still prefer to see a drunk chick munching on another’s box than a drunk dude jumping on a horse and riding it on the track at the Breeder’s Cup, but can you imagine the jubilation you’d see in the crowd of drunk rich fucks if one of their own successfully made it onto the track on a race horse?

Well, that damn near happened over the weekend. From the Lexington Herald-Leader:

Kentucky State Police said in an arrest citation that Michael Wells-Rody, 24, “was manifestly under the influence of alcoholic beverages” when he “snuck into a restricted area he was not authorized to be in” and took off on a horse. He made it out of the tunnel area and “into the track entrance,” police said in the citation. “When asked to leave the horse and the area, the subject became loud and disorderly by causing an alarm to Churchill staff members,” the citation states.

I mean, is there anybody out there who truly didn’t want to see this guy take at least one lap around the track on a horse worth more than all Gimlers’ lives combined? Imagine the ensuing chase, vault off of the beast, attempt to hop over the fence to freedom, the arrest on the track and eventual ass rape in prison. It really would’ve been magical.

Wells-Rody lives in Georgetown, so he obviously shouldn’t have a problem coming up with the bail money or enough coin to hire a lawyer who will pin the blame on the illegal immigrant bartender who over-served him. Kudos to you son, as on this election night, perhaps nobody will try as hard as you did to really make this country great again…

Wait, there’s more: This UFC Guy Says He Eats His Wife’s Ass Before Every Fight

You have got to see this shit:

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