Who’s A Bigger Turd, Mason Crosby Or Chris Boswell?

mason crosby sucks

by Tommy Gimler

At 2-2-1, both the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers have more problems than just a shitdick kicker.

But Christ almighty, how fucking hard is it to split the uprights these days?

Let’s start with Shitdick A, Mason Crosby, who is currently “earning” a $12,500 per game bonus to go along with a base salary that’s just a c-hair north of $3 million. Now if we lived in a perfect world, Crosby would have had to take his entire bonus and jam it up his fucking peehole after Sunday’s “effort.”

Just how pig shit awful was Crosby during Green Bay’s 31-23 loss at Detroit? Well, the last time some douche missed four field goals and an extra point in the same game, peanut farmer Jimmy Carter was still calling the shots in Washington. That’s right, kids. San Diego’s Rolf Benirschke – yes, that Rolf Benirschke – pulled off what has to be the golden sumbrero of placekicking during a 20-7 win at Kansas City.

Crosby was directly responsible for keeping 13 points off the scoreboard Sunday, and given that Green Bay lost by eight, you could make a decent argument that the Packers  would have won the game if he simply would have done his job. Throw in the fact that he missed a 52-yarder in perfect conditions at Lambeau Field in Week 2 that would have won the game against the Vikings in overtime, and you could make an argument that Mason Crosby has made $25,000 in bonus cash despite the fact that his lackluster play has prevented the Packers from being atop the division at 4-1.

Obviously, Mason Crosby sucks donkey balls. Big, hairy, motherfucking donkey nuts. But is he a bigger turd than Pittsburgh’s Chris Boswell? Let’s investigate.

Pulling down an average of $3.94 million a year, Boswell is the sixth-highest paid kicker in the NFL. That’s a lot of money to pay for somebody who’s an incompetent fuck.

Boswell has already missed three extra points in 2018. Kids, that’s fucking garbage. He has also missed three of his six field goal attempts, including one that would have won the game against the Cleveland Browns in Week One. Granted, the field that day was sloppier than Hope Solo’s hump hole, but still, make the necessary adjustments and get the job done.

So would the Steelers be 3-2 and tied for second place in the AFC North instead of sucking hind tit if Chris Boswell was actually a good kicker? Would the Packers be 4-1 and be all laughs in the locker room after yet another joke from the mouth of their quarterback about his girlfriend’s massive bush if Mason Crosby wasn’t such a fuck?

Yeah, probably.

But while both Boswell and Crosby are giant bags of shit, the point of this article was to figure which one of them is the bigger turd. Well, since Mason Crosby’s apathetic right leg has now cost the Packers not one but two games, coming up with that answer is easier than bedding Jennifer Love Hewitt if you have a SAG card. It’s Crosby…

Wait, there’s more: This Florida State Fan Had One Hell Of A Time Watching His Seminoles Beat Louisville

You have got to see this shit:

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