Who’s A Bigger Douchebag, Vontaze Burfict Or Manny Machado?

machado burfict

by Tommy Gimler

One plays football. One plays baseball. Both are giant sacks of fuck.

Props to both Cincinnati Bengals linebacker Vontaze Burfict and Los Angeles Dodgers shortstop Manny Machado, who proved to the masses this week that their shitdickery tanks are still quite full. On Sunday, it was the oft-suspended Burfict taking a cheap shot at Antonio Brown’s head (again) with his forearm during Cincinnati’s 28-21 loss to Pittsburgh. Last night, it was Machado intentionally stepping on struggling Brewers first baseman Jesus Aguilar’s foot as he was thrown out at first in the 10th inning of what would turn out to be a 2-1 Dodgers victory in 13 innings.

If you somehow forgot exactly what Vontaze Burfict did to earn the reputation as the dirtiest man in the NFL outside of the commissioner’s office, well, this should more than do the trick in terms of refreshing your memory:

So in case you’re keeping score at home, that final blow to Brown’s dome is legal in today’s NFL and won’t draw a penalty flag. This, however, is illegal as fuck: 

Unfortunately, there isn’t a montage of Machado pretty much ending Dustin Pedroia’s career by intentionally spiking him below his knee at second base last year that also shows him intentionally stepping on Aguilar’s cankle last night. Plus, my wife brought home a note from the doctor that says she can plow again, so I don’t have the time nor the inclination to really look that hard (pun intended) for one.

However, the end of this clip showing him throw his helmet at Josh Donaldson during a routine tag play and then later intentionally throwing his bat at the A’s third baseman should be sufficient in proving that Machado is a Major League cocksucker:

Yeah, I don’t even think they allow that in the California Penal League.

This is also cute:


Why are Burfict and Machado such huge assholes? Our guess is they’re compensating for years of being two super ugly motherfuckers, but who knows? All we want to know is who you think the bigger douchebag is. Please vote below…

Wait, there’s more: This French Rally Driver Stopped At A Welsh House Mid-Race To Take A Dump

You have got to see this shit:

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