Rakesh Is Here To Make You Rich With These Sure Thing College Football And NFL Bets, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Not a good week last week, bro, but it could be worse. We could be that fat bear fuck on four-letter that can’t hit shit. Pathetic, bro.

Time to get back on track and stuff pockets with Rupee this week, bro. Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, my friend.

NCAA

Tulsa at Arkansas OVER 53.5 Points

Check it out, bro. This Tulsa team has seen under hit in five straight games, so sooner or later you know that opposite is going to happen, bro. It remind me of Cousin Anagi in college, my friend. She would something like 13 guys inside of her at one time and keep doing it as though nothing bad was going to happen. Well, I’m telling you, bro. A few weeks later, her poon broke. Sad shit, bro. Load and lock up on over in this one, bro…

Colorado at Washington (-17.5)

Listen, bro. If you have been laying fat Rupee on Washington this year, well, sorry about losing your house, bro. Odds are you wife is off fucking your uncle or some shit too, bro. Washington has simply been shit from pig team all year long, so when I see they are more than 17-point favorite against decent Colorado team, I think that something smell fishier than my ex-girlie Akansh’s poon, and this bitch was biggest slut in Howrah, bro. Even Cousin Gokul hit that shit despite being born with baby left arm. Sick shit, bro. Anyway, load up on this Washington team because it looks as though thugs in Vegas have their greasy hands all over this one, bro…

Indiana at Penn State OVER 58.5 Points

Let me tell you something, bro. This Penn State team has been unluckier than Uncle Soham, and this guy once lost all four of his goats in one-on-one game of Jai alai to guy with no legs. Halfway through match, this slippery fuck adds one extra cesta where right leg should be. Well, after that it was like circus was in town and this guy crushed Uncle Soham like Cousin Ankur crushed ass at University of Toledo. Pretty much slept with every skank in Carter Hall, bro. Anyway, this Penn State should be so pissed that they score 70 points all by themselves. But don’t sleep on this Indiana team. They can score point as well, bro. Over is the play here, bro…

NFL

New England at Chicago (+3)

Hear me out on this one, bro. For starters, this line of -3 for Patriots is even fishier than what’s being thrown our way in Washington college game. It’s almost like there are three Akanshs standing in room at same time and there are no air vents. Sick shit, bro. You’re telling me that this New England team can’t come into Windy City and crush this Bears team like elephant crush Cousin Manoj in streets of Howrah 14 years ago? Dude didn’t look right before crossing street and paid ultimate price or whatever you say in this country. However, I like that Bears coach is guy who lit up these New England fucks with Kansas City last year. Fuck it. I’ll take Bears and points in this one, bro…

Cleveland (+3.5) at Tampa Bay

Check it out, bro. This Browns team got rid of running back that looked older than Grandpa Sahir, and that guy turns 108 years old next week. Congrats, bro. They now have this Chubb fellow who gives Rakesh boner every time he touches ball. Tampa Bay may have fired defensive coordinator last week, but this defense is still pure goat shit, bro. Rakesh is big fan of hook in this one, too, but honestly, I think Browns outright win this one, bro…

Cincinnati (+6) at Kansas City

Listen to me, bro. This Chiefs team has covered spread in every game so far this year, so if you think they are just going to keep doing that, well, you are crazier than Uncle Kunal, and we caught that guy fucking a goat at family reunion in Howrah. This is also the Cousin Anagi’s poon clause, as sooner or later, the opposite is going to happen. I like Bengal in this one, bro…

2018 so far, bro: 18-12

Last week: 2-4

NCAA: 10-5

NFL: 8-7

Wait, there’s more, bro: The Bulls Got Quite The Welcome From A Shirtless Bum As They Arrived At Their Philly Hotel

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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