Let’s Keep Making Bookie Our Bitch With These College Football And NFL Picks, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Let’s stay hotter than two Kansas City girlies rubbing poons together, bro.

Look, bro. Boss says, “Hey Rakesh. Make picks on this silly game of American Football and I’ll give you money if picks are not pure goat shit.” Well, let’s just say Rakesh has enough Rupee to but shitting goat now because I’ve been shitting out picks of gold, my friend.

Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, bro.

NCAA

Eastern Michigan at Western Michigan OVER 57.5 Points

Check it out, bro. Majority of ignorant American public is loading up on under in this one, something like 97 percent right now, my friend. That is same percentage of men in Howrah who have had fuck time with my ex Akansh. She was biggest slut in Howrah, bro, so you would be dipshit to have a go with her now, just like you would be dipshit if you took under in this one like everybody else. Load and lock up on that over here, bro…

Buffalo (-7.5) at Central Michigan

Let me tell you something, bro. This Buffalo team took severe ass pounding at hand of Army last weekend. Remind me of pounding Akansh’s poon would take from black guy. Sick shit, bro. Any crap, boss, this is what is known in biz as bounce back game. Playing part of Akansh’s poon this time will be this shit from pig Central Michigan team. Be sure to take Buffalo in this one because they might win by 50 point, bro…

Arizona State at Colorado (-2.5)

I’m telling you, bro. This Colorado team is real deal, and betting against them right now – especially at home, bro – would make you crazier than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught that guy humping goat at family reunion. Sick shit, bro…

NFL

Baltimore at Cleveland (+3)

Seriously, bro. This one smells fishier than Akansh’s poon, and we’ve already discussed how little that fucking thing ever gets to take a breather, bro. Baltimore goes into Pittsburgh last week and comes out big winner, and now we’re supposed to believe they only beat this Browns team by 3? Get out of the Dodge, bro. Cleveland doggy pound still hate this Baltimore team for leaving them like they were fat virgin on prom night. Browns will probably outright win this one, bro…

Denver at NY Jets (PK)

Are you fistfucking me, bro? This is the Bronco against the Jet. Last time I checked, Jets were shit from pig. So why would they only be a pick ‘em instead of 10-point underdog? This one smell even fishier than Akansh’s poon, more like her anus. You will most likely never have chance to smell it though because it usually has some guys cock in it, bro. Take the Jets in this one, bro…

Arizona at San Francisco UNDER 40.5 Points

Get the fuck out of here with this 40-point over/under total, bro. Both of these shit from pig football teams will be lucky to put 10 point each on the scoreboard. Putting point total at 40 is bigger insult than time Uncle Rishabh brought cooked poodle to picnic. Sick shit, bro…

So far in 2018, bro: 12-6

Last week: 4-2

NCAA: 7-2

NFL: 5-4

Wait, there’s more, bro: This Florida State Fan Had One Hell Of A Time Watching His Seminoles Beat Louisville

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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