Let’s Keep Hitting 67 Percent Of College Football And NFL Bets And Make Bookie Our Bitch, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

At this point, Rakesh has enough Rupee for hooker for rest of year, bro.

But now, let’s make enough for her to bring friend to fuckfest, boss. Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, bro:

NCAA

UCF at Memphis OVER 80.5 Points

Listen, bro. When thugs in Vegas make point total closer to 100 than 60, then they do it for reason, bro. Expect nothing less than 150 point in this one, as there will be more scoring on the Memphis field than on my ex-girlfriend Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah, bro. 42 percent of men in that town have the herpes, and 82 percent of them got it from Akansh’s poon. Sick shit, bro…

Texas A&M at South Carolina (+2.5)

Check it out, bro. Betting public in this country is dumber than Uncle Ankit, and he still thinks Vietnam War is going on. We call him Uncle Dumbfuck, bro. With 80 percent of American bettors taking both spread and money line for Aggies, watch for thugs in Vegas to pull fix in this one and have South Carolina win or cover with garbage score as time expire. Load and lock up on this Gamecock, bro…

Ole Miss at Arkansas OVER 65 Points

I’m telling you, bro. The point total in this one has dropped from 69 to 65, and if there is anything we learn from watching this Arkansas team last week, it’s that they couldn’t stop quarterback missing both arms. Fuck, bro. Cousin Gokul and his baby left arm could throw for 400 yards on these fucks. Odds are these two combine for 40 something in first half, and that means you can have hooker ordered and ready to suck penis in living room by the time the over hits in third quarter. Tell her to bring friend, too. You’ll be able to afford it, bro…

NFL

Carolina at Washington (+1)

So let me get this straight, bro. Carolina wins thriller game or whatever you call it in this country last week, so locker room is feeling good. Meanwhile, this Redskin team gets asshole ripped apart by old man’s arm on national television. So Washington is only one-point underdog here? I’m telling you, bro. Something smells fishier than Akansh’s poon in this one, so I’m taking Washington and the one point, bro…

Seattle at Oakland OVER 48.5 Points

Hey, England. I hope you like shit from pig, bro. Raiders and Seahawks are two goat shit teams, but they will put on show in England because NFL wants team to be popular there someday. Eventually, it will be Blake Bortles throwing interceptions for the London Jaguars, but this Sunday, watch both Russell Wilson and Derek Carr light up opposing secondary with minimum of seven touchdowns combined. Over might hit before fans go to concessions for tea and milk at halftime, bro…

Buffalo at Houston (-10)

Look, bro. Sometimes you go with hunch, and that is what I have here. Plus, with silly American public all over Bills like Akansh on anything with dick, taking Buffalo in this one would make you crazier than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught him fucking goat at family reunion. Houston wins this one by 30 point, bro…

So far in 2018, bro: 16-8

Last week: 4-2

NCAA: 9-3

NFL: 7-5

Wait, there’s more: Milwaukee Vs. Los Angeles In The NLCS: A Closer, More Disgusting Look

You have got to see this shit:

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