Halloween Weekend Is Perfect Time To Spook Bookie Into Being Bitch With These College Football And NFL Picks, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

These bets are sure thing, like Manny Machado not running out hit, bro.

I’m telling you, bro. Rakesh was a tad late in getting to computer today after staying up all night to watch silly American baseball game that lasted something like 12 days. But now after six cup of coffee and two shit episodes, I am ready to help you make bookie your bitch, bro. Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, bro.

NCAA

Tulane at Tulsa OVER 48.5 Points

Let me tell you something, bro. The under has hit in Tulsa’s games the last six times. Sooner or later, the opposite is going to happen. It remind me of Cousin Anagi in college. She would let something like 13 guys inside her at one time, and she would keep doing this as though nothing bad was going to happen. Well, I’ll tell you what, bro. A little while later, her poon broke. Sad shit, bro. Take the over and enjoy hooker money, bro…

Washington State at Stanford (-2.5)

Look, bro. I know what you’re thinking, my friend. You are thinking that Rakesh is crazier than Uncle Kunal, the guy we once caught fucking goat at family reunion. This Costello quarterback for Stanford is probably biggest shit from pig QB in the college, and you’re going to throw mad Rupee on him to beat #14 team in country? What you smoking, Rakesh? Well, let me tell you something, bro. Majority of people are throwing Rupee on Washington State but are unaware of letdown game situation. Stanford probably wins this one by double digit, bro. Take Cardinal here, bro…

Texas at Oklahoma State OVER 60.5 Points

Listen, bro. It is not very often when game is thrown in front of you and you say, “Thanks for the gift, bro.” This game is going to be shootout like you see driving through south side of Toledo these days. Texas offense is suddenly more potent than Cousin Deepak, and he has something like 12 kids now and he’s only 29. If you’re Deepak, you’re thinking about doubling up on condom or only sexing it up in anus. If you’re looking to make mad Rupee, you’re betting over in this one, bro…

NFL

Seattle (+3) at Detroit

Check it out, bro. Possible Cousin Anagi clause again, as the Lions have cover five straight games. But I think Russell Wilson off bye week would be able to give Patriots run for money. The Lions are not Patriots, bro. They are just average team led by fat bearded man with pencil. Load up on Seattle in this one, bro…

Baltimore at Carolina OVER 44 Points

Look, bro. One week after Justin Tucker shoved nine iron up over bettors’ anus with first ever missed extra point, Rakesh has feeling he will make 15 field goals in this one to take care of over by himself. 44 points seems awful high for two teams known more for defense than lighting up scoreboard with flea flicker. It smells fishier than Akansh’s poon, and she was biggest slut in Howrah. Load up on over in this one, bro…

Green Bay (+9) at LA Rams

Listen, bro. Green Bay fans travel better than any other fanbase in NFL, and it is probably because Packer fan literally has nothing to do other than watch games and read about Aaron Rodgers love life in US Weekly. I think they make this home game and Rodgers rises to occasion after week of humping Danica Patrick in the California sun. Load and lock up on Packers and enjoy money for second hooker, bro…

2018 so far, bro: 20-16

Last week: 2-4

NCAA: 11-7

NFL: 9-9

Wait, there’s more, bro: Sometimes You Dunk On Somebody And He Knocks You Out With A Sucker Punch From Hell

You have got to see this shit, bro: 

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