Fox Philly Sports Guy Says Eagles Players Shouldn’t Hump Until They Win Another Game

gary cobb eagles sex

by Tommy Gimler

There are a number of reasons behind what many in both the local and national media have dubbed a “Super Bowl hangover” in Philadelphia this year.

Carson Wentz’s knee isn’t 100 percent yet. The Eagles’ rushing attack fucking blows. Their turnover margin is almost as embarrassing as the list of guys Alyssa Milano has humped. One of their coaches has Gunter for a first name. I mean, we’ve heard them all.

Or at least we thought we did.

Former Eagles linebacker turned Fox Philly sports analyst Garry Cobb thinks the problem with the 2018 squad is that they’re doing too much fucking, and he went on Fox 29′s Good Day Philadelphia Monday to suggest that players should refrain from getting some stank on the hang down until they find a way to win another game.

If you thought that was rather aggressive given the state of today’s pussified society, Cobb doubled down on his ass-tapping talk, adding that he was “going to head home right now to handle that business.”

Well then:

Personally, I don’t think the Eagles have to refrain from bumping uglies just yet, but a loss to the pig shit awful Giants Thursday night might have us thinking otherwise. Maybe saying they couldn’t do anything more than a tittyfuck would be in order. Or hell, maybe at that point every Eagles player would do the exact opposite of Cobb’s suggestion and pull a page out of Mark Grace’s book.

That page? You guessed it – going to a University City pub and having their way with a slump buster, which of course is a “large, unatractive, girl, most commonly with low self esteem, incorperated in sex with one that is suffering from a slump.”

Wait, there’s more: Week 6 NFL Overreactions With Murf

You have got to see this shit:

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