Why Not Put Bookie Out Of Business Right Away With These College Football And Week 1 NFL Picks, Bro?

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Boss said he’ll be paying me even less now that he has kid, so Rakesh really needs these picks to hit, bro.

The silly game of American football is back, bro, and I know many of you are just like me and ready to throw down mad Rupee on these games in hope of making bookie your bitch. So let’s get year started on right foot or hand or whatever you call it in this country with these college football and NFL picks, my friend.

NCAA

Clemson at Texas A&M (+12.5)

Check it out, bro. If there is one thing we have learned about these games through the years is that majority of them are more fixed than my ex-bitch’s purse dog. Betting with ignorant general public on regular basis will see you lose Rupee on regular basis. With 60 percent of public loading up on Clemson -12.5, time to take this shit from pig Aggies team and tell bookie to pay up within 24 hour. Shouldn’t this spread be at least four touchdown, bro? Don’t be sucker. Take Texas A&M with the points, boss…

Baylor (-17) at UTSA

Listen, bro. The weird thing about the number 17 is that should be same number of Baylor players who are suspended from game next week for rape. But they will all play this week, so time to blow load on this one like it’s Toledo hooker. Seriously, bro. Isn’t this UTSA team Division 3 or some shit? Take Baylor and enjoy curb stomping, bro…

Penn State at Pittsburgh OVER 51 Points

Look, bro. This one seem to be easier than my ex-girlfriend Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah. Had poon that smelled like goat piss, bro. If this Trace McSorely wants to win Heisman, he must throw minimum four touchdown in this one. And I had Cousin Gokul run 47 simulation of this game because he is fucking loser and has nothing better to do. Every time except once, these two teams score at least 60 points. Load and lock up on over in this one…

NFL

Cincinnati at Indianapolis (-2.5)

Let me tell you something, bro. This one reeks worse than Akansh’s poon and Uncle Rishabh. Fat Uncle Rishabh is now 400-pounder and has not been able to fit into shower since Bush administration. Cousin Gokul sat next to him at Thanksgiving last year and passed out before pie was served. Sick shit, bro. Any crap, there is no way shit from pig Colts team should be favored or even within a touchdown underdogs. Take Indianapolis -2.5 because this shit smells fixed, my friend…

Pittsburgh at Cleveland OVER 41 Points

Check it out, bro. This one might hit by halftime when that rape quarterback and his Steelers teammates lead 42-0. Might want to take third mortgage out on house and then send thank you card with mad Rupee inside to Rakesh when it hits, bro…

Kansas City at wherever the hell Chargers play (-3.5)

I’m telling you, bro. This could wind up being hell of game if new Chiefs quarterback doesn’t make like Andy Reid’s gunt and fold under the pressure from Chargers defense. I don’t see that happening, bro. Take the Chargers and the points and then buy six hooker with winnings. You’re welcome, bro…

Wait, there’s more: The Sports Gambling Podcast’s Sean Green Is Here To Win You Mad Cash With These NFC East Picks

You have got to see this shit:

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