This Whole ‘Digging Up An Athlete’s Tweets When He Was An Ignorant Child’ Thing Needs To Stop Right Now

sean newcomb

by Frank Rhombus

And if you’re a sports agent, your only job this week is to have the hot intern in the office sift through every one of your clients’ tweets.

Odds are before Sunday afternoon you best recognized the name Sean Newcomb from the line, “Who the hell is Sean Newcomb?” Well, it turns out Newcomb has been taking the mound the past two years for the Atlanta Braves, and today, he lost a no-hitter against the Dodgers on a two-strike count with two outs. Normally, that would be enough to have him trending on Twitter, but then again, our bad, it’s 2018.

What had Newcomb trending on the tweet machine after he lost his no-hit bid Sunday afternoon? You guessed it – some douchebag who thinks he or she is a perfect human being decided to waste their afternoon searching through his tweets for something racist or homophobic or even just politically incorrect enough to wreck a 23-year-old feminist’s panties.

Trea Turner is also dealing with a similar backlash. So is Josh Hader. Hell, Josh Allen dropped a few spots in this year’s NFL Draft to the Buffalo Bills, whose fanbase is made up of three million fucktards who have been making mistakes and politically incorrect decisions every day since they were shat out of their mothers’ wombs.

Here’s the deal: This shit needs to stop right now.

Nobody in the mainstream media has ever really pushed the fact that many of Hader’s tweets were simply reposts of rap lyrics from Juicy J or quotes from Jackie Moon (Will Ferrell) in the movie Semi-Pro. Instead, the dude has been labeled as a severe homophobe and racist. There were many ass clowns who failed to do something simple like google “Suck my cock! I’ll murder your family,” which to the majority of comedy fans was obviously a quote from Ferrell in the hysterical 2008 film about the Flint Tropics.

Instead, people labeled Hader as somebody with “severe issues.” His only issue is that he was a kid in 2011, who much like kids today use Twitter as a platform to either say something extremely ignorant or post song lyrics and movie quotes for some reason. Why? I have no idea. I’m a 45-year-old man, so I don’t even have a Twitter account.

But the point is that these guys were all kids. Even Turner’s tweets while he was at NC State came when he was an adult by law but still a child in many everyday ways. Who are we to all sit here now as true adults and crush these guys for poor choices they made when they were on the cusp of manhood, adulthood or whatever you want to call it? We all did stupid shit when we were younger. I mean, how many of us would be in the positions we are today if Facebook or Twitter were around when we were in high school and college?

I sure as shit wouldn’t, and if you’re still reading this and somehow still thinking that you are holier than thou and a human being who miraculously never said or did anything asinine, then let me tell you – as somebody who has done ludicrously stupid shit up through his forties – one thing that I have learned along the way:

People can and should change over time.

Still need proof? Take this as an example. When I was in my creative writing class as a 17-year-old senior in a podunk South Bay town high school, my teacher asked the class to write a series of poems about something we all felt strongly about. Now, outside of a series of Christian confirmation classes that my parents forced me to take that frowned upon homosexuality, there was an overall resentment within my immediate family toward gays for whatever reason. At the age of 17, I had lived my entire life following the way of my parents, their families and friends and our religion, and one of those ways was pretty much that gay men and women had no place in society.

So when the teacher asked us to write about something we were passionate about, I ignorantly wrote about my hatred of homosexuals. Obviously now, that was moronic, and my teacher let me know as much. On the verge of heading to Nevada for college, he left me with a few simple words of advice: You need to open your mind.

And that I did. So much so that when I married my wife Jillian 17 years later, our officiant was a very good friend who just so happened to be a gay man. So yeah, I am proof that people can change. Now, do I want to go back and beat the shit out of 17-year-old Frank Rhombus for writing what he did? You bet your hairy ass. But crucifying these guys for what they said when they were young and ignorant isn’t doing them any favors. Odds are that even at the ages of 24 and 25, Turner, Hader and Newcomb would all gladly travel back in time and beat the shit out of their 17-year-old selves. Even they are man enough to admit that they were ignorant assholes.

Maybe now it’s time to turn our attention to these cowards who sit behind a keyboard or cellphone and pretend to be perfect human beings, something that has been proven time and time again over the last 12,000 years to not be possible. We all said or did something stupid when we were younger. Hell, by younger that means some of us did something ignorant last week.

Perhaps it was the greatest of all time Muhammad Ali who said it best when he said, “A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.” People can and should change over time, and that’s something that Hader, Turner and Newcomb are now tasked with proving tenfold thanks to a bunch of losers with nothing better to do with their lives than sit in their grandma’s basement and look at old tweets.

Now if you’re looking for people who need to think about really changing their ways, that’s probably the best place to start. Not athletes who tweeted something dumb when they were minors…

Wait, there’s more: Carlos Gomez Pitches Just Like He Hits: Terribly

You have got to see this shit:

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