Rockies Fan Outruns Coors Field Security But Then Gets Crushed By Heroic Fan

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by Tommy Gimler

Holy shit, he made it! Oh wait, no he didn’t.

While you’ve been spending the first few weeks of July playing volleyball on the beach, fishing in a polluted stream in Pennsylvania or running off to Cancun with your neighbor’s wife, the Colorado Rockies have been playing some superb baseball. Winners of their last five and 10 of their last 12 games, the Rox suddenly find themselves just two games back in the NL West and the NL Wild Card race.

Much like when a team like the Brewers absolutely craps themselves in the final week of the first half, great baseball in the dog days of July can drive your fans crazy. Case in point is this dude at Coors Field who picked the right two security guards to outrun after he jumped onto the diamond during Saturday night’s 4-1 win over the visiting Mariners.

While outrunning the “security” guards wasn’t a problem for this guy – most likely because the guards haven’t run anywhere in the last 16 years – there was a “hero that Gotham needed” waiting on the other side of the wall down the left field line who wound up being his downfall.

“Mommy, why does Cousin Gary stutter when he asks you to feed him his peas?”

The hero on this night? You guessed it – Rafael Nadal’s illegitimate son:  

Thanks to Nadal’s heroics, the “streaker” likely spent the rest of his night in “Rockies Jail,” which according to Busted Coverage, doesn’t seem like the kind of place where you update your Instagram profile pic:

The folks at Coors Field prefer to use the term “holding rooms” rather than “jail cells” to describe the enclosures to which stadium security personnel takes fans who may have edged over the line of acceptable rowdiness. But they’re definitely not places where anyone would like to hang out, especially during a game. The spaces are small and narrow, with the main decor being a metal bench. And while there are no locks on the doors, people placed in the rooms aren’t going anywhere, as they’re routinely handcuffed to a bar until Denver police can arrive and spirit them off to real jail. Anyone who spends time there will definitely think twice about returning.

Who knows? Maybe in this case, this guy’s daddy was able to buy him out of a trip to a nearby pound-me-in-the-ass prison. Or maybe not, and this kid won’t be talking about what he did over the summer when he returns to his grandpa’s basement for his fall semester at the University of Phoenix…

Wait, there’s more: Baltimore Bag Of S**t Chris Davis Is On Pace For The Worst Season Ever

You have got to see this shit:

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