Noah Syndergaard Heading To The DL With Hand, Foot And Mouth Disease That He Likely Got Working At A Kids Camp


by Tommy Gimler

There are kicks in the dick, and then there’s this.

Nobody wanted the Mets to be above .500 this year more than me. In our 2018 MLB Preview DUDcast, New York winning more than 81.5 games was my “Alyssa Milano” sure thing. You know, if Brad Penny was hitting that, any dude in a baseball uniform was.

I mean, think about it. Pitching guru Mickey Callaway was the new sheriff in town. Thor, deGrom, Harvey, Matz, Wheeler. With the pig shit awful Marlins in the division along with teams like the Phillies and Braves still in rebuild mode, it really wasn’t that much of a stretch to think they were going to win at least 82 games.

Well, fast forward 96 games, and it’s obvious that this one is going to be Samsonite - way off. Forget Harvey being the Dark Knight. The dude’s a dark bag of dicks who’s now giving up bombs to opposing hitters in Cincinnati. Every offensive player has seemingly spent time on the DL, and Familia is no longer closing games because of a trade to Oakland. But none of that even comes close to being as “Mets” as this:

Noah Syndergaard is heading to the DL because of the hand, foot and mouth disease he likely contracted from working at a kids camp over the All-Star break.

Think about that. This is a disease that normally takes down kids under the age of 5 and llamas, but now we apparently have to add New York Mets players to that list. Thankfully, Thor probably won’t miss that much time, as it’s just a matter of the “blisters and everything – or whatever he’s got going on on his hands – clears up.”

It truly is a sad story to hear that Syndergaard picked up something as awful as this while trying to be a positive influence on the youth of New York, but it’s just a friendly reminder to wash your hands on a frequent basis and of course, stay away from poor people’s children…

Wait, there’s more: The Orioles Got Stuck In An Elevator Yesterday

You have got to see this shit:

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