3 Bold Predictions For MLB’s Second Half

josh hader tweets

by Tommy Gimler

Oh boy, Josh.

Probably the best Home Run Derby/All-Star Game combo in recent memory was soiled Tuesday night when screen grabs of Milwaukee Brewers reliever Josh Hader’s Twitter past came back to bite him in the ass much worse than a 94-MPH heater in Jean Segura’s wheelhouse.

And with that, it takes us into our yearly “bold” predictions for baseball’s second half.

3. Josh Hader doesn’t hit the send button for the rest of 2018.

If I had a dollar for every time somebody on this site has begged for an athlete to refrain from using social media, I’d have 12 bucks. Well, make it 13. From tweets such as “I hate gay people” to numerous tweets featuring n-bombs, the only sponsor that is maybe still lurking in Josh Hader’s near future is The Trump Organization.

Look, we all did stupid shit as a kid. These tweets came from Hader when he was 17 years old. It doesn’t make them any less horrible, but people can change in seven years, believe it or not. One of the tweets getting a ton of attention is actually a repost of Juicy J lyrics, which is apparently something kids are doing these days. Another is “Suck my cock! I’ll murder your family!” That’s a line from Jackie Moon in Semi-Pro. They post song lyrics and movie quotes, and that’s it. Why? I have no fucking idea.

Any crap, since neither Hader nor anybody in his PR circle is motoring along with a fully-functioning brain, those tweets continued to stand the test of time until a bunch of nerds with nothing better to do spent their Tuesday nights rifling through every MLB All-Star’s social media accounts until they struck gold. That means Hader’s Wikipedia page is going to look like this from time to time:

Screen Shot 2018-07-17 at 10.15.13 PM

Our guess is that the majority of player personnel reps spent the better part of Tuesday night drafting yet another memo that once again begged their athletes to refrain from being an idiot on social media as a result of Hader’s shitdickery…

2. For the first time since 2002, four teams will finish the season with at least 100 losses.

The Orioles, White Sox and Royals all suck major balls this year, and the San Diego Padres are sniffing their asses across the finish line. We didn’t run any simulations or come up with any computer projections to tell us that all four teams losing at least 100 games is likely. A simple eye test would reveal to even somebody like Stevie Wonder that all four teams are fucking garbage, and anybody on these rosters who isn’t playing with his head all the way up his ass is going to be dealt to a contender, making each one of these teams that much worse…

1. Scooter Gennett will not lead the NL in batting average.

I’m not sure if my MacBook’s spellcheck has ever hated anybody’s last name more than Gennett’s, as it changed it to Bennett three times before I spit at it. Look, this one’s pretty simple. This is Scooter Gennett we’re talking about here, not Freddie Freeman…

Wait, there’s more: Rockies Fan Outruns Coors Field Security But Then Gets Crushed By Heroic Fan

You have got to see this shit:

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