Is This A Horse Who Ran In The Belmont Stakes Or An Urban Dictionary Entry?


by Tommy Gimler

Back by popular demand, baby!

The 150th running of the Belmont Stakes goes down at Belmont Park in Elmont, New York at 6:37 pm Eastern/3:37 pm Pacific today. If you live in Milwaukee and can’t figure out what time that is for you, ask an 8-year-old kid to help your sorry ass.

It’s a big one today, as Justify has a chance to become just the 13th horse ever to win the Triple Crown. As a 1-1 favorite, he’s probably somebody you want to include in your trifecta box. But hey, if you’re looking for gambling advice on today’s ponies, you’ve come to the wrong place. We are not CBS Sports. However, we do love spending at least an hour a day surfing through Urban Dictionary, and that expertise is going to come in handy for today’s post.

We’ve done it before, and since six people liked it on Facebook last time around, we’re going to do it again. So…

Is this the name of a horse who once ran in the Belmont Stakes or an Urban Dictionary entry?

1. Midnight Taboo

2. Stage Door Johnny

3. Rock Hard Ten

4. Buckle Down Ben

5. Sal Maneuver

Now scroll down to see the answers…













1. Midnight Taboo is the name of a horse who ran in the 2013 Belmont Stakes, and to be kind, he’s probably now a bottle of glue being sold at Home Depot. He finished 12th. Meanwhile, the Midnight Toboggan is where you’re “banging a chick at the top of the stairs near midnight, she has her hands on the first step down for a good angle. When the clock hits midnight you knock her arms out and ride her down the stairs like a toboggan.”

2. Stage Door Johnny won the 1968 Belmont Stakes. However, you’ll find Johnny Log on Urban Dictionary with a couple of entertaining definitions. One definition of Johnny Log has it as an immense turd exceeding 11.5 inches in length, while another has it as the act of shitting in one’s pants while being too drunk to know the difference.

3. Believe it or not, Rock Hard Ten was a horse who ran in the 2004 Belmont Stakes. It finished fifth and netted owner Jason Orman $30,000. Of course, that’s pretty different than a “rockhardmanpig,” which is a “particularly randy homosexual; a kinky filth-monger with a taste for man-on-man action.”

4. Buckle Down Ben sucked balls at the 2001 Belmont Stakes, finishing seventh out of nine horses. And speaking of balls, Urban Dictionary has “Buckle Nut” as the “unpleasant, often times painful condition incurred when a man accidentally gets one testicle caught in his belt buckle.” I mean, let’s hope for his sake that it was “accidental.” If you’re doing that shit on purpose, you’ve got problems.

5. You didn’t think we’d only do horse names, did you, you stupid fuck? This one’s only on Urban Dictionary. The “Sal Maneuver” is “the process in which you press down on your penile shaft after you get to the half-chub stage to increase blood flow and erectile activity into the penis. This method is strategic when you are feeling too tired to bone, suffering from old age, low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, or erectile tissue malfunctions due to overuse or synthetic steroidal intake. Once you press down firmly enough, you will soon feel a rush of adrenaline from the Salwasser Gods and you may then proceed to thrash any and every vaginal tissue in sight. Please proceed with caution once attempting this maneuver.”

There is also a reminder to never try it under the age of 35 if you wan’t your dick to work properly for the rest of your life, which is nice…

Wait, there’s more: Here’s A Capitals Fan So Excited About Winning The Stanley Cup That She Flashed Everybody

You have got to see this shit:

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