Yadier Molina Took A 101.5 MPH Tipped Fastball To The Balls Yesterday

yadier molina foul ball to the dick

by Tommy Gimler

The 18 margaritas you chugged during yesterday’s Cinco de Mayo celebration are probably making your head hurt quite a bit this morning.

But there is no way in hell that it hurts as bad as Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina’s cock and balls did after they fell victim to a 101.5 MPH fastball that was tipped by Kris Bryant’s bat in the top of ninth inning of yesterday’s 7-6 win over the visiting Cubs.

No doubt that Molina’s hog ballooned to a size that’s usually only seen in a Lexington Steele skin flick after that. It just sucks that there’s no way in hell that he’ll be able to do anything with it for a while.

No word on how long he’ll be out of action for the Redbirds, but I’ll go as far as saying that if he appears on the diamond again anytime this month, he’ll officially be the toughest guy on the planet. Number two on that list will be anybody who made it through Rudy without crying.

In a related story, congratulations to Kolten Wong for not sucking balls for the first time all season and hitting a walk-off home run in the bottom of the 10th…

Wait, there’s more: Back By Popular Demand, Is This The Name Of A Kentucky Derby Horse Or An Urban Dictionary Entry?

You have got to see this shit:  

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