With All Due Respect To Penguins Fans, John Walton’s Call Of The Capitals Finally Eliminating Pittsburgh Was Shit Your Pants Awesome

capitals beat penguins

by Tommy Gimler

The demons have been exorcised!

Expect a lot of unplanned infants crapping their drawers in about nine months in the Washington, D.C. metro area, as the Washington Capitals beat the Pittsburgh Penguins 2-1 in overtime of Game 6 last night, finally eliminating their nemesis after something like seven billion tries and advancing to the Eastern Conference Finals in the process.

And speaking of shitting your pants, Washington’s John Walton was on the call when Evgeny Kuznetsov scored the game-winning goal, and the only way to sum up what you’re about to hear is that it was nothing short of shit your pants awesome.

Jesus tittyfucking. I wish I would have had this guy call the moment I came during my first threesome.

Hey, congrats to the Capitals and their fans as well as every Adams Morgan bartender, as it was no doubt a profitable evening last night…

Wait, there’s more: Would You Rather Get Drilled In The Testicles By A Foul Tip Or Have Your Groin Rip Off The Bone?

You have got to see this shit:  

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