The 3 Best Things I Missed In While I Was Overseas In Ireland Last Week

bartolo colon line drive belly

by Tommy Gimler

Bartolo “Big Sexy” Colon taking a line drive to the gunt? Yes, please.

One of the hardest things to do when you’re running a sports blog pretty much by yourself because your pal Frank Rhombus is spending the majority of his time either working overtime at the plant or sitting in sniffer’s row and your intern doesn’t have a toilet in his parents’ house in India much less an internet connection is find the time to sit an write a quality post every single day.

Throw in a trip to Ireland with your pregnant wife, and that becomes damn near impossible. So with that being said, I’m back in the States and ready to get back into the game of posting videos of players getting hit in the beanbag with a baseball and “adult” women taking shits on the floor at a Tim Horton’s. Speaking of which…

3. Canadian woman drops a deuce on the floor at a Tim Horton’s, throws it, wipes herself and then throws that as well.

At least 12 different guys sent me a link to this gem, as a woman at a Tim Horton’s restaurant in Langley, British Columbia was apparently so pissed about not being allowed to use the restroom last Monday evening that she just decided to drop trou next to the cash register, drop a shit, pick up the poop, throw it at an employee who was already on the horn with the police, wipe her ass with some napkins, throw those napkins at the employee and then walk out.

The crew at Deadspin did an amazing writeup on it, and the update they provided said that the Tim Horton’s employee wouldn’t let her use the restroom based on her “past behavior.” While the specifics of that past behavior were not provided, we’re assuming that the fact that she doesn’t know what a toilet is used for could be near the top of the list. Then again, when a “human being” displays the kind of behavior that she did in the video above, there’s no telling what she may have done in the past. I mean, that past behavior could have been anything from using the back of the john as an altar for sacrificing a goat to having a soup kitchen with two other heroin addicts in the manager’s Prius located just outside one of the dining room windows.

Whatever the case may be, might we suggest bringing your own napkins the next time you visit that Tim Horton’s location…

2. College closer barfs after walking batter and then recovers to get the save.

There’s leaving everything out on the field, and then there’s this.

It’s a shame that Nick Bosma can’t make cash off jersey sales as a D-III college athlete, as he probably won’t ever be in the “trending” game like he was late last week when he was called on to save a game for Rhodes College. Sporting a 4-2 lead over Franklin College in the ninth, Bosma walked the leadoff man and then…wait for it…barfed behind the mound before telling his manager to fuck off because he was good to go to finish the game.

The result? You guessed it – Bosma got the next guy to pop out and then induced a game-ending double play to secure the victory. He then probably asked his teammates for some gum…

1. Bartolo “Big Sexy” Colon takes a 102-mph line drive to the gunt and still gets the out.

Somehow, some way, the legend of Bartolo Colon continues to grow bigger than his waistline.

After nearly throwing a perfect game against the World Series champion Houston Astros earlier this year, it was almost as if there was nothing Big Sexy could do on the mound this year that would be more of a must-watch moment. Well, we were wrong, as Colon gave up just four hits in Wednesday’s 5-1 victory over Seattle.

However, it could have been five hits had he been about 150 pounds lighter, as his massive gunt caught a 102-mph line drive off the bat of Jean Segura, knocking it to the ground in the process and allowing for Colon to pick it up and throw to first for the out.

What’s next for Colon? We’re no longer sure at this point. Although after watching that, why wouldn’t the Dallas Stars ask him to jam up the pipes on the ice next season?

Wait, there’s more: It Doesn’t Get Much Better Than Stephen Piscotty Homering In His First AB After His Mom’s Funeral

You have got to see this shit: 

  #Preakness #mud   A post shared by TJ Jastrem (@tjj710) on

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