Back By Popular Demand, Is This The Name Of A Kentucky Derby Horse Or An Urban Dictionary Entry?

kentucky derby horse

by Tommy Gimler

Magnum Moon and Magnum Mashin’.

One is a horse in today’s 144th Kentucky Derby that is roughly seven hours away from post time, and the other is what you would call having hardcore sex with an oversized condom. While determining which one of those options is an entry in the 144th “Run for the Roses” is pretty easy, let’s just say that that is not always the case.

So, take a peek at the five names below, and for each one, determine if it is the name of a horse that once ran in the Kentucky Derby or the name of an Urban Dictionary entry.

1. Burgoo King

2. Black Emperor

3. Cherry Pie

4. Frank Iero

5. Prince Silverwings

Now scroll down for the answers, you dirty hookers…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answers

1. While you will find “burgoo” as an entry on Urban Dictionary, you won’t find Burgoo King, which is the name of the horse that won the 1932 Kentucky Derby. A $2 bet on Burgoo King to win netted bettors $13.24, which is something like $17 million today. As far as the Urban Dictionary entry of burgoo, it’s obviously a verb that means “to have sexual intercourse with a woman without using protection, and while in the action of intercourse (usually at a premature time) pull out and ejaculate semen onto the woman’s chest and/or breasts accompanied with a loud roar.”

2. Black Emperor is the name of a horse that ran in the 1956 Kentucky Derby, but he finished 13th that year and was probably turned into a bottle of Elmer’s. There is no “Black Emperor” entry on Urban Dictionary, but they do offer the suggestion of trying “Jesse Jackson” instead…

3. Surprise! Cherry Pie is both an Urban Dictionary entry and the name of a horse that finished 20th in the 1923 Kentucky Derby. We don’t have the time or energy to list every single Urban Dictionary definition, but it is worth noting that the “top definition” is “a virgin’s pussy,” which was entered by “Nate” on June 6, 2003. We also enjoyed Anonymous57 using it in the following sentence to help clear things up: So, I was fucking the shit outta this bitch right, and she starts screaming all loud and shit. She was all acting like it hurt. And I was like, “Shiiiit.” I mean, I knew that pussy was tight, but I didn’t think it was no cherry pie.

4. Frank Iero is only an Urban Dictionary entry, and it’s a pretty damn good one: “A short lil dude. very sweet and talented. has a bunch of tattoos. including a tramp stamp wrapping around his waist and two crossed guns on his lower back pointing to his asshole. sitting at the top of his asscrack is a skull that looks like its biting frank;s ass. was in many bands before. third generation of franks. once wrote a song about his crush on his bully. also wrote a song about pining over a dude who sleeps with him at night but is with a girlfriend by day. is bisexual. is the worlds biggest bottom. seriously. used to go to rutgers. was a sweet catholic boy until he smoked weed and slept with a boy probably. awesome at guitar. once chewed/sucked on a condom on stage.”

5. Prince Silverwings finished fourth in the 1904 Kentucky Derby, which sounds like he had a hell of a run, but since only five horses ran that year, he actually sucked balls. While there is no Urban Dictionary entry for Prince Silverwings, there sure as shit is one for just “silver wings,” and that of course is the act of having sexual intercourse with a woman old enough to be your mother, an Old Age Pensioner (OAP) or a disabled person. However, we’d like to think if you can pull off the trifecta there, they’d upgrade you to gold…

Wait, there’s more: This Whole Brad Marchand Licking Opponents Thing Can Stop Already

You have got to see this shit:

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