Our Masters Coverage Begins With This Guy Who Decided To Have Sex With A Hole And Jam The Flagstick Up His Butt

man has sex with golf hole

by Tommy Gimler

So, do we give him a double bogey then?

It’s still much too early to determine who’s going to win the 2018 Masters, as guys like Spieth, Mickelson and Johnson have yet to tee off. Hell, it’s still too early to tell if DJ is going to get coked out of his fucking mind and fall down another set of stairs.

So instead of giving you first-round coverage from Augusta National, we’re going to head overseas to England, where they apparently play the game a tad differently. Watch as some dude runs up to the ninth hole at Brackenwood Golf Club in Bebington, drops his trousers and then starts giving the hole the business but not before taking the flagstick and inserting it into his poop chute.

How nice is this guy? I don’t think there have been any studies done on it, but you have to think the chances of a tweaker diddling his asshole with the flagstick while taking the ninth hole to pound town and then putting the stick back in the hole when he finished instead of letting it lay on the green or taking it home for an encore after supper have to be somewhere between slim to none and not a fucking chance.

I also believe we may have witnessed the exact moment the combination of mercury, pseudoephedrine and laundry detergent wore off and he realized, “Whoa, wait. Not again.”

Look, we might not be able to break down what’s wrong with Eldrick’s swing today, but when some shirtless methhead runs onto a golf course and humps a hole whilst the flagstick goes round and round in his balloon knot, you bet your sweet ass we’ll be here to cover that…

Wait, there’s more: Some Dude Hit A Hole-In-One At The Masters Par 3 Contest And Then Dislocated His Ankle While Celebrating

You have got to see this shit:

 

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