Shut Up, Dude. Everybody’s Bracket Is Busted

umbc virginia

by Frank Rhombus

Show me one guy who took UMBC to curb stomp Virginia, and I’ll show you a fucking liar.

If you’re still whining about Arizona, Virginia, Michigan State and every other upset that went down during the first weekend of the NCAA tournament, do everybody a favor and put a cock in it. Literally, find a cock – any cock – jam it in your mouth and choke on it, bro. You weren’t the only one whose bracket took a giant ass pounding when Buffalo laid a beatdown on the Wildcats.

According to CBS Sports, 92.8 percent of the brackets entered on their site had Arizona winning the game, while more than 22 percent of the brackets had the Wildcats heading to at least the Elite Eight. Another 18.1 percent had them in the Final Four, and 11.1 percent had them making it to the championship game. Hell, 4.1 percent of the those brackets were instantly dicked, as they had Arizona as the eventual champions.

It’s even worse when it comes to Virginia’s embarrassing 40-minute “effort” Friday night, as 13.73 percent of all brackets on ESPN, Bleacher Report, Yahoo! and CBS had Virginia to win the whole fucking thing much less just their opening round tilt against UMBC. And when you throw in what the studs at Loy-Chi did in the first weekend as well as Syracuse jamming a giant kitchen knife up our peeholes by taking down Michigan State earlier today, our point is this:

Everybody’s bracket is fucked, not just yours.

So do yourself a solid Monday morning in the office kitchen and come up with something else to talk about, like maybe how Bob Huggins’s gunt somehow keeps finding a way to grow bigger and bigger.

In a related story, congrats to J.D. Erlenbaugh and his wife for having the top two brackets in The Daily Upper Decker’s Bracket Challenge after the first weekend of thrilling NCAA Tournament action. However, since J.D. took Virginia to win it all, yeah, he’s dicked…

Wait, there’s more: The Only Proper Way To Celebrate Buffalo Knocking Off Arizona Is By Jumping Through A Table

You have got to see this shit:

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