Does Fergie Hate America? Her National Anthem Attempt Would Make You Think So

fergie national anthem

by Tommy Gimler

Whatever happened to stepping up to the mic and just singing the fucking song?

I’m sure when Francis Scott Key penned the words that would eventually become our great nation’s national anthem, he wasn’t expecting some broad hopped up on a mixture of Quaaludes and laundry detergent to step out on the hardwood and molest his work like Fergie did Sunday night at the NBA All-Star Game at the Staples Center.

Now was she really high on a central nervous system depressant and Tide PODS? Let’s hope so, because if she did this to “The Star-Spangled Banner” while she was sober, then she might need a serious mental health evaluation.

Well, at least we found the one performance that will make any Lil Wayne song tolerable.

The world may never know if Fergie was all fucked up on battery acid and miso soup Sunday night, but we seriously doubt anybody else will be asking the singer of “Let’s Get Retarded In Here” to attempt the anthem at their corporate outing anytime soon. Hell, even booking somebody like her to sing the anthem in the first place was obviously another shitty call by the same organization who somehow thought their fanbase wanted to see Sting of all people perform at the ASG two years ago.

I mean, I have songs  titled “Jerk Off In A Cup” and “Don’t Lick My Ass,” and you don’t see anybody knocking down my door to open their festivities with my rendition of our national anthem, nor should they be.

Let’s hope if whoever booked Fergie at the NBA offices still has a job this morning or wasn’t forced into rehab him or herself does the right thing and immediately books the greatest band of all time to sing the anthem at next year’s ASG. Although, somebody might need to tell them who that is or else we’ll end up with the Goo Goo Dolls…

Wait, there’s more: Aaron Rodgers Kissed Danica Patrick And Then She Wrecked At The Daytona 500

You have got to see this shit:

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