Alabama Student Gets Arrested For Passing Out Naked On Office Building Porch After National Championship Game

roll tide

by Tommy Gimler

Roll damn Tide!

According to The Tuscaloosa News, a 19-year-old University of Alabama student was arrested and jailed early Tuesday morning after university staff found him naked on the porch of a school building. Responding officers found him butt-ass naked around 5 a.m., which would have been about five hours after the Crimson Tide locked up their fifth national championship in the last nine years.

From The Tuscaloosa Times:

“Upon our arrival, I saw a white male sitting on the porch naked with his clothes scattered in various places,” a UAPD officer wrote in the arrest report. ”(The student) stated that he had been drinking earlier in the night and didn’t know how he ended up there.”

The officer said the man was not a danger to himself or others, but charged him with public lewdness because UA employees had seen him. The man was later released from the Tuscaloosa County Jail on $300 bond.

Look, shit happens when you party naked. Odds are this kid came to Alabama to watch the Tide win national fucking championships, and when it happened, the celebration that followed was going to be nothing short of the one that took place after the first time he slept with a girl who wasn’t related to him. So when you look at it with that mindset, Monday night and Tuesday morning were nothing short of a giant success.

And hey, we all do stupid shit, kid, so don’t hang your head on this one. Hell, I once pissed all over one of my buddies inside a Wisconsin Dells hotel room and then fell face first into the giant puddle of urine that I had just created. And this wasn’t when I was 19. No sir. This happened when I was 25.

So hang in there, kid. Everything is going to be just fine. Hell, if you play your cards right, you might even get a pity fuck or two out of this…

Wait, there’s more: Just Another NBA Player Being A Bitch And Slapping A Phone Out Of A Fan’s Hand

You have got to see this shit:

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