Win Big Cash For Hooker Or For Wife’s Christmas Present With These College And NFL Picks

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by Rakesh the Intern

Or best case scenario, wife tells you to buy hooker for you two to share, bro.

Let me tell you something, bro. I look at these college football playoff games and NFL Week 13 games and see many that are easier than my ex-girlfriend Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah, bro. Here is what I am thinking for this weekend:

NCAA

UL-Lafayette (+14.5) at Appalachian State

Look, bro. Odds are majority of Louisiana players can’t even find their state on map of America, but that is what I like about this team, my friend. They put so much time in weight room and on practice field that they are dumb fucks in classroom. Ragin Cajuns need one more win to play in some rental car and pizza store combo bowl game, and I expect them to play harder than college freshman’s cock inside sorority house. Load and lock up on on UL-Lafayette in this one, bro…

South Alabama at New Mexico State OVER 53.5 Points

Listen, bro. If there is one thing I know about betting on this silly game of American football, it’s that American public is giant group of dumb shits. There is reason why thugs in Vegas have giant casinos and you live on your mom’s couch, bro. So taking over in this one might make me crazier than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught that guy fucking a goat at family reunion, but when 90 percent of public jumps on under, then Rakesh will take over. Easy bet here, bro…

Ohio State (-3.5) vs. Wisconsin

Check it out, bro. This Wisconsin defense is more suffocating than time Uncle Rishabh tripped on recliner and fell on pet cat. Dude is like 400-pounder now, my friend. That cat no longer has pulse. That’s now suffocating Uncle Rishabh’s disgusting collection of flesh was on that day. So yeah, this Wisconsin defense is Uncle Rishabh. But this Wisconsin quarterback with erotic name is shit from pig. I see him throwing three interception in first half, and this one ends in bigger blowout than time I ate 40 McNugget after night of 75-cent Coors at Toledo Elks Lodge. Sick shit, bro. Take the Buckeyes in this one, bro…

NFL

New England at Buffalo (+9)

I’m telling you, bro. I think this Buffalo team shows up to play game that will be tighter than Cousin Gokul’s anus. I also think over/under of Tom Brady dildos that will be thrown on field is 3 1/2. The over in that one could hit by end of first quarter, bro…

Tampa Bay at Green Bay UNDER 45 Points

Look, bro. The last time Brett Hundley threw pass at Lambeau Field, the Packers score zero points. Good thing though is that he has yet to be accuse of grabbing Uber driver’s pussy, something that can’t be said about this shit from goat quarterback for Tampa Bay. If we were in Howrah, he would have had both hands cut off by court by now. Sad shit, bro…

Cleveland (+14) at LA Chargers

Check it out, bro. Something smell fishy in this one like Akansh’s poon. Why would team clicking on all cylinders like Chargers only be two touchdown favorites against shit from pig team like Browns that can barely put ball in end zone and has drug dealer returning to play for them? I think thugs in Vegas have their hand in this one, so I will throw Rupee on Browns in this one, bro…

Wait, there’s more, bro: This Might Be The Dumbest Yet Most Entertaining Sport We Have Ever Seen

You have got to see this shit, bro:

funny gameday sign

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