Um, What If You Would Have Lost?

carlos correa proposal

by Tommy Gimler

And hell, what if she would have said no?

The craziest thing happened at Dodger Stadium Wednesday night, as the Houston Astros won the World Series for the first time in franchise history. Even crazier is the fact that the crew at Sports Illustrated predicted this was going to happen more than three years ago when they put George Springer on their June 30, 2014 cover and donned them “Your 2017 World Series Champs.”

Based on the history of the ol’ Sports Illustrated cover jinx, we would have expected Springer to die in a horrific bear mauling or some shit the week after it was published, but basically the exact opposite happened Wednesday night when not only did his team win Game 7 of a fantastic series, but he was also named the MVP after slugging a record-tying five home runs.

And then, as if the night couldn’t have gotten any crazier, shortstop Carlos Correa decided to cut his interview with super dork Ken Rosenthal short because he was ready to take “another big step” in his life. That’s right, kids. The dude was playing the entire game with a rock bigger than Wilt Chamberlain’s left nut in his back pocket, and he decided to propose to his girlfriend on the biggest night of his life.

Awesome sauce. I mean, how many guys can ever answer the question “How did you propose to your girl, brah?” by answering with something like, “Oh, I did it right after I won the World fucking Series, brah.”

But here’s the thing: What if Yu Darvish wouldn’t have been a super-sized bag of rabbit shit Wednesday night and the Dodgers would have been the victors?

Our guess is that he would have waited until nobody else was looking in the Houston locker room, and he quietly would have put it back in his duffle bag or murse or whatever the hell the kids are using these days. I mean, you don’t want to be known as the dick who jinxed the whole team by thinking Game 7 was already in the bag and you were going to be the first dude ever to propose to his boo on the field at the World Series, right?

No sir. At that point, he would have been nothing more than the biggest asshole in Houston.

Thankfully for this tits story and every baseball fan in the city of Houston, that wasn’t the case, and it wound up working out. Personally, I would have flown to Vegas for a week, walked up to every broad and their three friends at Hussong’s Cantina and said, “Hey. I’m World Series champion Carlos Correa,” and then seen where my night went after that.

But I digress. Congrats to both the Houston Astros and the newly-engaged couple…

Wait, there’s more: If You’re Going To Bring A Glove To A Baseball Game Then Catch The Damn Ball, Nerd

You have got to see this shit:

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