So This Martellus Bennett Guy Can Eat A Dick, Right?

martellus bennett

by Tommy Gimler

Well, the Green Bay Packers should have no problem getting the majority of Martellus Bennett’s signing bonus back now.

An absolute miracle occurred in Denver, Colorado Sunday night. I mean, this needs to be put near the top on the list of all-time miracles, probably somewhere between “Our Lady of Atika,” Joseph of Nazareth actually staying with his wife Mary after an angel knocked her up and of course, my brother-in-law getting laid.

Tight end Martellus Bennett, who told the Green Bay Packers that he needed to have season-ending shoulder surgery because he just couldn’t continue to take the field and play the game of football with the severity of his shoulder injury, woke up sometime this weekend with a shoulder that all of a sudden did not need season-ending surgery and was able to play for the New England Patriots during their 41-16 curb stomping of the pig shit awful Denver Broncos in another turd edition of Sunday Night Football.

In fact, he caught three balls for 38 yards, which isn’t bad for a backup tight end signed to the roster just days ago, especially when you throw in the fact that medically speaking, his shoulder was allegedly “fucked” to the point where he just couldn’t find a way to get back onto the field again this year.

Naturally, none of this was Bennett’s fault, as he made it a point to jump on Instagram to let the masses know that the Packers tried to fuck him over:

The packers examined my shoulder on my visit March 10 and cleared it. They even gave me an xray as well. It got worse during the season, specifically against the cowboys so I asked to have it checked and we checked it. After a few days of contemplating to play with it or get surgery, I chose surgery. Now here we are…

They tried to fuck over me. Dr. McKenzie trying to cover his own ass. After trying to persuade me to play thru a major injury and me choosing to get surgery. They have access to all my medical records. My shoulder wasn’t where it is now at the beginning of the season. I fucked it up playing for the @packers.

Dr. McKenzie didn’t make feel safe and was pushing to play which I thought was weird. Not that he was trying to get me to play thru it but the way he was saying things. I didn’t trust him. So I got 3 other opinions from doctors who all said I need to get it fixed. So I decided to do that. And they decided to waive me with some bullshit excuse. Failure disclose.

Every week we do a body evaluation sheet in the weight and pretty much every week I circled my shoulder. I just kept playing but it got worse. During the bye week I got off anti inflammatories to clean my system and could really feel the pain. So I asked to examine it first day back in. And that’s when we found out it was really fucked up.

They knew. They panicked. Thinking that I was trying to go on IR and be on their books next year. When I mentioned that I would possibly retire. So they tried to fuck me before they thought I would fuck them. This was all about money. All about money. I get it. But don’t lie homie. You knew wtf was up.


I had intentions of playing all 8 games as I mentioned in the post during the bye week, but found out it was worse than I felt after getting it checked out.

Now I’m like fuck it.

I chose my health over the “team”. They chose money over me.

Again, this is Martellus Bennett himself telling everybody that doctors told him to get his shoulder fixed instead of playing, but then over the course of a few days, it miraculously healed to the point where he could jump back on the field without any extra protective gear for that bum shoulder and play some fucking football, brah. Naturally, we weren’t the only ones who were beyond skeptical about what was going down:

Of course, a “class act” like Bennett had a perfectly good reason for the sudden change of heart and mind.

In reality, this is what it comes down to: Martellus Bennett is giant pile of dog shit.

Five teams in ten seasons, including two this year. That generally doesn’t happen to high-talent players loved by coaches and players in the locker room, and this latest dick move is just another reaffirmation of that. Even before the Bears dealt Bennett’s bitch ass to the Patriots a few years ago, they threw him on IR just to get him the fuck out of Dodge. He pulls this shit everywhere he goes.

A simple eye test this year would reveal that Bennett never really wanted to be in Green Bay. Go back and watch any number of Green Bay’s first eight games, and you’ll find numerous dropped passes and just an overall sluggish attitude suggesting a “What the fuck am I doing here?” sentiment. He’s nothing more than a bitch player who will do whatever it takes to get out of town if he’s not getting his way or feeling up to the task of being a team player, and for that, he can eat a giant dick…

Wait, there’s more: Ned Yost Falls Out Of Tree, Proves There Just Might Be A God

You have got to see this shit:

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