Eagles Fan Chows On Fake Dick, Marshawn Lynch Cusses And Miami Fan Gets Knocked The Fuck Out

eagles broncos game

by Tommy Gimler

Forget climbing Everest, plowing two girls at the same time and then eating at Wolfgang Puck. This is what a true complete weekend looks like.

There was no shortage of hysterical clips from this weekend of football, as numerous clips from both the college and pro game flooded our inbox. Tell your boss you have to take a 20-minute shit, find some quiet space and enjoy.

Clip #1 – Eagles fan pantomimes a massive dick in his mouth.

Eagles fans at the “The Linc” were beyond thrilled that their beloved team really threw Denver’s defense over a chair yesterday to the tune of 51 points. In fact, some of them were so ecstatic that they couldn’t help but chow down of some “air dick” when the camera came their way. Like this kid, for example:

Seriously, that little maneuver might earn that kid the Homecoming King title, especially if he goes to a liberal arts school…

Clips #2 and #3 – Marshawn Lynch has himself a little potty mouth.

Let’s be honest: The NFL Network knew what they were doing Sunday night when they let Chris Rose and his band of idiots talk to Raiders running back Marshawn Lynch live after Oakland held on to beat the Dolphins 27-24. Yup, you guessed it – cue the n-bombs and f-bombs, kids:

Like our good pal Jiggsy Cat said, “Putting Beast Mode on live TV, I mean, what could possibly go wrong?” Well, that, I guess.

Good news, parents. Our sources say that Lynch is available for your child’s upcoming birthday party or bar mitzvah…

Clip #4 – Female U of Miami fan gets knocked the fuck out by police.

The “U” is back, baby! If you couldn’t tell by all the gold chains hanging from players’ necks during games, well, this U fan getting knocked the fuck out by police should do the trick:    

I’m sure all of her friends will do her a solid and tell her that she was being an absolute cunt when she wakes up on Tuesday, and that’s why she’s facing felony battery charges…

Clip #5 – There’s no smoking in Bryant-Denny Stadium, ma’am:

We’re pretty sure that you haven’t been able to smoke inside Bryant-Denny Stadium since the South won the Civil War, but this woman didn’t give two shits about that during Alabama’s win over LSU Saturday night. Well, she might now:

Roll fucking Tide…

Wait, there’s more: FAU Takes Safety With Eight Seconds Left And Totally Dicks Over Bettors Who Took Them -6.5

You have got to see this shit:

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