by Tommy Gimler

Easily the most important story facing Planet Earth today.

Some people hear the name Mia Khalifa and instantly think of the porn star who appeared in what is probably the hottest Muslim mother-daughter threesome scene on the World Wide. Others think of Mia Khalifa and probably think of the avid Florida State football fan. Still others hear the name Mia Khalifa and think, “Who the fuck is Mia Khalifa?”

Well, it appears as though Mia Khalifa is sadly an “ex-porn star” who is also a Cubs fan attending postseason baseball games in Los Angeles with some fucking tool in a Florida – not a Miami, mind you, but Florida - Marlins hat. Khalifa also “allegedly” got kicked out of the game for “allegedly” punching a dude in the face after he “allegedly” tried to snap a selfie with her just before Charlie Culberson didn’t score a run for the Dodgers but then did score a run for the Dodgers because of a dogshit rule meant to protect pussies like Buster Posey.

Dodgers score a run as @miakhalifa gets kicked out of the stadium for punching a dude in the jaw who tried taking a selfie! #ThatsSoCub pic.twitter.com/0MHcsGJvUL

— Hooligan Baseball (@HoolyBaseball) October 15, 2017

Since she’s on Twitter almost as much as she used to be on dicks, it didn’t take long for Khalifa to share her side of the story:  

Fake news — Mia Khalifa (@miakhalifa) October 15, 2017

Well, as you might have guessed, Twitter had a field day with that one:

Fake taxi please

— Bagus Irawan (@ponakannyabude) October 15, 2017

Fake bewbs?

— Dynasty Fife (@Fife1919) October 15, 2017

Fake taxi>Fake news

— BigDaddyZay (@zay_bruuuh) October 15, 2017

Ya tits?

— Eric Mulligan (@KODonyou) October 15, 2017

miya is virgin#fakemews

— Mohit Bisht (@TOYBISHT) October 15, 2017

Please don’t wear cubs stuff ever again I like winning!!

— Matt Archie (@MattArchie10) October 15, 2017

pic.twitter.com/zPD76j5u5S

— Marlow James (@OfficialMarlowJ) October 15, 2017

who are you?

— atlanta65 (@tomeguin65) October 16, 2017

Pretty sure that wasn’t your first #WalkofShame #NLCS #DodgersVsCubs

— Kyle(KiF) (@fantasy_frady) October 15, 2017

help me please I need very money please

— mousa ttt (@MousaTtt) October 15, 2017

Did you get kicked out for showing your tits ?

— #SoyHechoEn (@eltri_united) October 15, 2017

  And of course:  

lets be fuckin 6 commons dr Carver MA

— Tucker Taman (@TamanTucker) October 15, 2017

No word if Khalifa took the last guy up on his offer and flew six hours across the country to help him get his fuck on, but given her history, I’d say that it’s not totally out of the realm of possibility…

Wait, there’s more: The NBA Sucks Balls But We Did A Season Preview Anyway

You have got to see this shit: