These Should All Be Winning College Football And NFL Gambling Picks, Bro

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Would have been winning first week if not for pig shit awful backdoor cover in that Ole Miss game, bro.

I’m telling you, bro. These racists in Mississippi can’t be counted on for anything these days. You would think that after coach gets fired for using school phone to call hooker and NCAA craps on rest of program, the players who stayed at school would come out and make statement against lesser school, my friend. Well that was the case until South Alabama put pigskin in end zone with just four minutes left in game.

I’m telling you, bro. Both teams should have been doing Fireball shots at that point of game, but they are instead still playing hard? Pure goat shit, bro.

Well, this week we will look to bet Rupee on games that aren’t fixed. Here is what I am thinking:

NCAA

Oklahoma State (-28) at South Alabama

Listen, bro. Under normal circumstance, taking road team favored by four touchdown would make me crazier than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught that guy fucking goat at family reunion. But this time, road team is Oklahoma State, and with this reindeer guy at quarterback, they are looking like potential playoff team. Plus, my people and culture back in Howrah are told to worship our hair, and nobody in this college game has better hair than Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy and his Arkansas Waterfall. Load and lock up on the Cowboys in this one, bro…

Central Michigan at Kansas OVER 58 Points

Check it out, bro. In years past, this Kansas offense has been bigger joke than Uncle Risabh stepping on scale. Dude is like 400-pounder now, bro. But this Kansas team pass for more than 350 yards in last week’s game against some shit from pig school. Meanwhile, this Central Michigan team put up almost 500 yards of offense in first game. Seriously, this one might hit by halftime, so get hooker ready, bro…

Middle Tennessee State at Syracuse OVER 74 Points

Let me tell you something, bro. When you see point total of 74 in game and neither team is Oregon or Texas Tech, then it smell fishier than my ex-girlfriend Akansh’s poon, and that bitch was biggest slut in Howrah. She was like walking trout in mini skirt, bro. Anyway, since I was unaware that Middle Tennessee State had D-1 team, I have no choice but to throw Rupee on over because those thugs in Vegas must have something up their sleeve. Putting money on over in this one is harder than college freshman inside sorority house, but it’s what you have to do if you want to make bookie your bitch, bro…

NFL

Buffalo at New York Jets OVER 40 Points

Seriously, bro. Other than this LeSean McCoy thug, I have no idea who is playing offense on either of these teams this year, and let’s be honest: neither do you, my friend. That alone would make you think that over/under in this one should be about 27. I don’t see how either team scores more than 20 in this one, so I am going to go opposite of what everybody else will be thinking and take the over. It remind me of this time Cousin Mayank decided to do opposite of everybody and cross street without looking. He got crushed by bus. Sad shit, bro. Let’s hope it works out better for us this time around, my friend…

Pittsburgh at Cleveland OVER 46.5 Points

Check it out, bro. This Pittsburgh team is once again supposed to be one of best offenses in league, and silly American public is hammering away at the under in this one like it is young starlet in Chatsworth who hates her father. Stupid shit, bro. Do not be surprised when Browns put 17 on board and Steelers put up 80 because they are playing the Browns. Easy money in this one, bro…

Carolina at San Francisco OVER 47.5 Points

I’m telling you, bro. There are many things working for us in this one. First, this Christian McCaffery returns home to where he ripped new asshole for opponents in college. Second, he will be doing it against defense that will be second-worst defense in the league this year. Third, Kyle Shanahan will be making debut with his new offense, and so far this Carlos Hyde looks like he might be most underrated running back in league. And while all of that makes it sound like Rakesh actually knows what he is talking about, we are taking over in this one strictly because 80 percent of silly American public is taking the under. Good luck, bro…

Last week: 1-2

2017 overall: 1-2

Wait, there’s more: Tony Romo Won’t Fart In The Booth As Much As Phil Simms Did – The DUD’s 2017 NFL Preview Podcast

You have got to see this shit:

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