Probably The Funniest Fantasy Football Preview You’ll Get With Just Two Days Left Before The Season Starts

ezekiel elliott

by Tommy Gimler

For some nerds, their 2017 fake football team is probably best summed up with “Randall Cobb is my #1 receiver.” For other dorks, it’s probably best summed up with “I have all four Patriots receivers.”

You just never know what’s going to happen over the course of an NFL season, and that’s one of the things that makes the game of fantasy football so damn fun. Every league you join seems to be different from the others. Sometimes it’s a 14-team keeper league where the geek who wins the Toilet Bowl the previous year gets the first pick in every round. Other times it’s a 10-team league where it’s much easier to draft a team of fantasy studs, especially when four of the nerds are women.

Well, I brought the ol’ podcasting equipment to two of my five fake football drafts this year.

Yes, I am “King of the Dorks.”

One of them was at a golf course in Dousman, Wisconsin, where 20 bucks got you two burgers, some Ruffles, a few cookies and all of the fucking Spotted Cow in the world. The other was on the balcony of a one-bedroom condo in a beach town just outside of LA, where all of the food and red wine was free.

One of them ended as a sausagefest of guys shaking dice in front of a hot bartender who couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. The other ended with one nerd getting drenched by a bucket of waste water that was accidentally thrown from the balcony above.

The second-to-last pick in one of the drafts was Torrey Smith. The second-to-last pick in the other draft was Colin Kaepernick, and that was in the ten-team league.

If you’ve got 52 minutes to kill, then I highly recommend taking a listen to how it all went down. If not, as always, go fuck yourself…

Man, I have got to have this shit on iTunes

Wait, there’s more: Stay Away From These Fantasy DUDs

You have got to see this shit:

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