Here Are Your Completely Biased NFC East Predictions From An Eagles Fan

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special to the DUD by The Sports Gambling Podcast’s Sean Green

August is probably the best month to be a football fan, unless you’re a fan of the Los Angeles Chargers. Then you’re having to come to terms with the fact that your first and second round picks are both out for the entire season.

If you’re not one of those seven Charger fans, then this time means optimism and hope. As an Eagles fan, I’m optimistic the Eagles will exceed expectations and hope for nothing short of disaster on the other three teams in the NFC East.

Here are my completely biased NFC East Win Total Predictions:

Washington Redskins (UNDER 7.5 -115 / OVER 7.5 -115)

In the world of sports betting, it’s important to spot trends and then take advantage of them. I think I’m ahead of the game on this trend, and that is to fade the team whose starting QB is caught rapping to Hamilton.

If Kirk Cousins thinks he’s Alexander Hamilton, then I view the rest of the NFC East’s defenses as Aaron Burr. The Redskins lost key playmakers in Pierre Garcon and DeSean Jackson, but more importantly they lost offensive coordinator Sean McVay who became the head coach of the Rams. Those losses coupled with Jordan Reed’s toe injury will leave the Redskins as ineffective as a non-alcoholic beer.

UNDER 7.5 WINS!

New York Giants (UNDER 9 -120 / OVER 9 -110)

The New York Giants potential playoff run was derailed thanks in part to a boat trip prior to the Packers game that served as an off-field distraction. The Minnesota Vikings had an infamous boat trip years ago, the difference was that on the Giants boat there were zero strippers. Instead? Just a topless Odell Beckham Jr.

The Giants succeeded in getting more weapons for high-functioning Eli Manning with the acquisition of Brandon Marshall and the drafting of Evan Engram. Their defense should still be solid, however their offensive line has more leaks than a Trump presidency. No fake news here, the Giants O-Line struggles will force Eli into turnovers and cost the Giants wins.

UNDER 9 WINS!

Dallas Cowboys (UNDER 9.5 -130 / OVER 9.5 +100)

The Cowboys haven’t won 10 or more games in back to back seasons since 1995 and 1996. So what makes you think they’re going to start now?

They’ve lost two from their dominant starting offensive line, and for the professional athletes reading this, I’ll do the math for you: that’s 40 percent.

When the Cowboys weren’t busy losing offensive linemen, they were busy getting arrested in the offseason. The hilarious part is that the only player to be released by the Cowboys was the one player who was wrongfully arrested (ironically named Lucky Whitehead). The Ivy League ginger Jason Garrett will not be able to lead the Cowboys to the playoffs in back to back years. Like a Zeek Elliot crop top, expect the ‘Boys to come up short this season.

UNDER 9.5 WINS!

Philadelphia Eagles (UNDER 8.5 -135 / OVER 8.5 +105)

The Philadelphia Eagles only went 7-9 last year, but Carson Wentz showed some flashes of brilliance and is clearly the Eagles’ long term answer at QB. The 7-9 record was deeply influenced by the loss of right tackle Lane Johnson, who was out 10 games last year. The Eagles were 5-1 with Lane and 2-8 without. As long as Lane Johnson can keep his hand out of the PED cookie jar, the Eagles offense should be vastly improved with the additions of WR Alshon Jeffrey and RB LeGarrette Blount.

Their defensive line could be a top 5 unit and if they can just get OK play out of their CBs, they’ll hit double digit wins. One of the ten commandments is “thou shalt not worship false gods,” but that won’t be a problem with my belief in Carson Wentz, as he is the real deal chosen one that will guide this team to an eventual Super Bowl.

OVER 8.5 WINS! 

Sean Green is a television writer, stand up comedian and co-host of The Sports Gambling Podcast. Follow him on Twitter @SeanTGreen.

Wait, there’s more: A Pirates Fan Got Drilled In The Nuts By A Home Run Friday Night

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