The Umpire Who Ejected Adrian Beltre For Moving The On-Deck Circle Can Eat A Dick

adrian beltre on deck circle

by Frank Rhombus

It’s only a game, Focker!

The Miami Marlins curb stomped the Texas Rangers to the tune of 22-10 last night.

No, seriously. Miami has a professional baseball team.

The game lasted more than four hours, as the teams combined to outscore the Pats and Giants in Super Bowl 42. 10 players had at least two hits, and five of them hit a home run. One of those dingers came off the bat of Rangers third baseman Adrian Beltre, who found himself in the on-deck circle with two outs and the bases loaded in the bottom of the eighth. Or I guess we should say he was near the on-deck circle. It doesn’t matter.

Or at least it shouldn’t matter, especially when the score is 18 to fucking 6.

But Beltre standing a few feet away from the on-deck circle like he always does so he doesn’t take a foul ball to his face or grapes really chapped the fat ass of umpire Gerry Davis for some reason, as he waddled his way out of position to tell Beltre to take his practice hacks from inside the circle.

Again, for safety reasons, Beltre hasn’t done that for years, and he sure as shit wasn’t going to do it now in the midst of an 18-6 ass pounding. So that’s why he did this instead:

Really, Gerry? In the eighth inning of a 12-run game, that‘s your number-one concern? A future Hall-of-Famer not standing in the on-deck circle? They’ve stopped serving beer, for fuck’s sake. Your number one goal at that point is to get that game over with ASAP so the dozens of fans who are left can quickly get to Paulie’s Pub for one or two more High Lifes.

But if you’re going to be a gigantic prick instead, then why would you just stop there? I’m pretty sure third base coach Tony Beasley spent most of the game outside of the coach’s box down the line, so you better throw his ass out, too. I’m sure one of the pitchers was rubbing his thumb under his hat for some pine tar to get a better grip on the ball on a night that was humid as shit. Better tell him to hit the showers.

The point here is simple. Beltre was simply looking out for his own well-being, not trying to get an edge or manipulate an outdated rule, and Davis was nothing short of a colossal butthole in his handling of the situation.

And for that, Gerry Davis, you can eat a dick…

Wait, there’s more: Dude Hits A Home Run Off Another Dude’s Face

You have got to see this shit:

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