Lucky Whitehead Isn’t Very Lucky, Gets Cut By Cowboys Day Before Cops Apologize For Falsely Identifying Him As Man Arrested For Shoplifting

Lucky Whitehead

by Tommy Gimler

It’s official: You can’t play football for the Dallas Cowboys unless you get arrested for real.

Think your last 24 sucked balls? Well, wait until you read this.

Odds are you best recognize the name Lucky Whitehead from the phrase, “Who in hell is Lucky Whitehead?” Well, Whitehead is a wide receiver who is in his third season with the Dallas Cowboys. Or at least he was until the “Boys” decided to cut him after police in Prince William County, Virginia issued a warrant for his arrest because he failed to show up for his July 6 court hearing pertaining to his arrest on June 22 for shoplifting in a Woodbridge convenience store.

The reason Whitehead didn’t show up for his arraignment? You guessed it: It wasn’t him who was arrested on June 22, so he had no idea that he was wanted in court.

Whitehead told Jason Garrett and others in the Dallas front office that he was never arrested, but that wasn’t enough to save his job and $615,000 salary that he was due to earn this year, as Garrett and the Cowboys obviously didn’t believe him. According to Deadspin, Garrett was “very blunt about the fact that Whitehead’s arrest might cost him his spot on the team.”

And then here’s what Garrett had to say after the Cowboys cut Whitehead yesterday:

“There’s a certain way that we want to handle ourselves on and off the field. There’s a standard that we have. We believe very strongly in adhering to those standards and trying to uphold them each and every day in everything that we do. When you have someone in your program, in this environment, in this structure, and they don’t grow and develop and they make the same mistakes over and over again, it’s time to move on.”

Now fast-forward to today when Prince William County Sgt. Jonathan Perok admitted that Whitehead was “in fact not the man arrested on June 22.” Turns out the dude they arrested that night “didn’t have an ID but gave cops Whitehead’s birthday and social security number.” Since he “looked enough like Whitehead,” they believed he was indeed the Cowboys receiver.

Well, it wasn’t:

“Upon reviewing the June 22, 2017 arrest of an individual named ‘Rodney Darnell Whitehead, Jr.’, the police department is confident that the man charged with petit larceny, and who is subsequently being sought on an active warrant for failure to appear in court, is not Lucky Whitehead of the Dallas Cowboys.”

“The man charged on the morning of June 22 was not in possession of identification at the time of the encounter; however, did verbally provide identifying information to officers, which included a name, date of birth, and social security number matching that of Rodney Darnell Whitehead, Jr. Officers then checked this information through the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) database. The DMV photo on file was then used to compare to the man who was in custody. Officers acted in good faith that, at the time, the man in custody was the same man matching the information provided.”

“At this point, the police department is also confident in confirming that Mr. Whitehead’s identify was falsely provided to police during the investigation. The police department is currently seeking the identity of the man involved in the incident. Since the identifying information provided by the arrestee during the investigation was apparently false, the police department is working with the Prince William County Commonwealth Attorney’s Office to clear Mr. Whitehead from this investigation. The police department regrets the impact these events had on Mr. Whitehead and his family.”

Sadly, all the police and Cowboys personnel had to do was look at Whitehead’s flight information and boarding pass from June 22 – which of course placed him in Dallas at the time of the shoplifting incident – and it would have been beyond obvious that the man they arrested wasn’t really Whitehead. Instead, the Cowboys did what they do best: They fucked it up.

After learning of Whitehead’s innocence this morning, Dallas changed their tone as to why they cut Whitehead yesterday. It was no longer because he was making “the same mistakes over and over again” off the field. No sir. It turns out they decided to cut him because of his on-the-field performance.

And that, kids, is what is known in the business as “pure dog shit,” which is pretty much the most accurate way to describe the Dallas Cowboys franchise these days. Even crazier is this notion of “standards” and “upholding them” when it comes to the Cowboys. Hell, even before Whitehead was cut yesterday, it was obvious that neither the Cowboys nor Garrett know what in the hell a standard is or just flat out don’t have one in place.

Again, here’s what Garrett had to say when asked about Whitehead:

“There’s a certain way that we want to handle ourselves on and off the field. There’s a standard that we have. We believe very strongly in adhering to those standards and trying to uphold them each and every day in everything that we do. When you have someone in your program, in this environment, in this structure, and they don’t grow and develop and they make the same mistakes over and over again, it’s time to move on.”

And here’s what Garrett had to say about star running back Zeke Elliott’s off-the-field issues:

“We believe in Zeke Elliott as a person and as a player…He’s not perfect. He makes mistakes. We all make mistakes.”

So it appears that Whitehead’s only crime here is that he’s not Dez Bryant or Ezekiel Elliott. How ’bout them Cowboys…

Wait, there’s more: How Do You Celebrate After Winning The Open? By Slapping Your Caddy In The Dick, Of Course

You have got to see this shit:

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