A Kid Finally Got Drilled Shagging Balls During The Home Run Derby

mlb 2017 home run derby

by Frank Rhombus

And that, kids, is why you have to sign a waiver to take a shit in 2017.

It seems like a good idea on paper. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to make a kid’s dream come true by letting him or her roam the outfield shagging pop-ups and ground balls during the MLB Home Run Derby?

Well, here’s why. Watch out, Becky!

Jesus H, dude. Good thing Mike Stanton wasn’t up to bat or that girl might not have a pulse this morning.

So how about this moving forward, MLB. Let’s say you start putting kids out there who know how to catch a fucking baseball before one of them takes a line drive to the dome and spends the rest of his or her life looking like Forest Whitaker’s stunt double. And if that kid is under the age of 12, he or she better be the motherfucking Mo’ne Davis of his or her Little League team.

Seriously, at least 75 percent of those little fuckers running around in that outfield last night looked like eating a bowl of SpaghettiOs without wrecking their Ariana Grande concert tee is quite the bitch, so odds are trying to glove a 120-MPH line drive off the bat of Aaron Judge would also be rather high on the difficulty scale.

Look, I’m not of these twat parents calling for all kids playing soccer to wear helmets or some kind of headgear. Fuck those cunts. I’m all for letting kids grab life by the balls and being able to learn how to pick themselves up after a collision or taking a Little League pitch to the numbers.

But for fuck’s sake, if you can’t catch a baseball, then maybe trying to snag 110-MPH ropes off the bats of 280-pound grown men isn’t the best place for you…

Wait, there’s more: This Mets Fan Downing A Beer With No Hands Is The Highlight Of The Mets’ Season So Far

You have got to see this shit:

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