Kevin Durant Named NBA Finals MVP But He Sucks Balls At Drinking Beer

kevin durant beer

by Tommy Gimler

Hopefully you did something more constructive with your time last night, like repeatedly jamming a screwdriver up your peehole, for example, instead of watching what is easily the worst professional sports league in this great country (Hint: It’s the NBA) wrap up their postseason.

Let’s be honest: The 2016-17 Golden State Warriors were more loaded than a college freshman’s blood lumber, and the fact that they walked away as NBA champions after last night’s 129-120 victory over Cleveland should be about as shocking the fact that Christine Taylor finally left Ben Stiller. I mean, nobody loves ears that much.

Any crap, Kevin Durant was named the MVP of this year’s Finals, which to us sounds a lot like being named the best striker in a game of pistol-whipping a blind kid. Afterward, he and his teammates decided to start crushing some brews.

Well, at least his teammates did:

Pathetic. I mean, I could see doing that if you accidentally picked up Zach Pachulia’s spitter, but that was a fresh can of clean, crisp Bud Light. Even worse? You guessed it: Durant had the grapes to say he had to leave his postgame presser because he had too many beers:  

Yeah, that’s fucking garbage. It’s tough to get drunk on light beer, especially when you don’t swallow it. Personally, I think it’s right up there with a woman trying to tell you that you knocked her up despite the fact that she only gave you a knob job…

Wait, there’s more: This Race Between ‘The Freeze’ And A Cocky Braves Fan Is By Far The Best Sports Video Of The Year

You have got to see this shit:

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