Jacksonville’s Minor League Baseball Team Is Giving Out Free Pregnancy Tests At Thursday’s Game

jumbo shrimp

by Tommy Gimler

Let’s hope the “ladies” down there actually get up and leave their seats while taking the tests.

You never know what you’re going to get when it comes to the world of minor league baseball. On one night, you might find yourself surrounded by dozens of nerds wearing Chewbacca masks, while on another night, you’ll notice that the restrooms smell worse than my grandpa’s medicine farts because it’s “Asparagus Night.”

Well, just when we thought it couldn’t get any crazier than “Toilet Seat Cushion Night,” the wizards in charge of the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp stepped up to the plate this week and announced that everybody who attends their Thursday night game against the Pensacola Blue Wahoos will go home with…wait for it…a free pregnancy test.

“We were just sitting around at the promotion meeting, looking at our calendar,” GM Harold Craw said. “That’s something that plays to our Thirsty Thursday crowd, which tends to be young professionals and college students. They like to laugh and have a good time and would appreciate it being tongue-in-cheek. We’ll give it to them if they want one, but at that point, it’s completely up to them. They’re on their own.”

Personally, I think it’s one hell of a promotion to throw out there a few days before Father’s Day. Of course since it’s “Thirsty Thursday,” which means 12 ounces of beer is just a buck and two bucks will net you 24 ounces of suds, our guess is that most of the pregnancy tests will be used in the bathrooms onsite before the seventh-inning stretch. And since it’s Jacksonville, odds are a few brothers, sisters and cousins will be a tad on the nervous side if any of them “pass” those tests…

Wait, there’s more: Kevin Durant Named NBA Finals MVP But He Sucks Balls At Drinking Beer

You have got to see this shit:

What do you think? Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Image Description