Here’s A Guy Who Was Busted ‘Masturbating Vigorously’ In Public Because He ‘Fucking Hates Portland’

jerk-off

by Tommy Gimler

Let’s be honest: That’s sounds way more exhausting than shooting 18 at Sawgrass.

Si Woo Kim, who you might best recognize from the phrase, “Who in the fuck is Si Woo Kim?”, won the Players Championship at TPC Sawgrass Sunday afternoon by three shots. But it’s Terry Lee Andreassen who gets the coveted 11:45pm Sunday night coverage this weekend, as instead of taking home the $1.89 million top prize at the Players this month, Andreassen was busy getting arrested almost 3,000 miles away in Portland, Oregon for punching his clown in public.

One of Portland’s finest witnessed the 59-year-old Andreassen “masturbating vigorously” with his “erect penis exposed to the public” on May 3. When Andreassen spotted the police officer, he put his blood lumber back inside his Levi’s and began to walk away. The officer quickly caught up with Andreassen and asked why in the hell he felt the need to jerk off in front of a youth center.

His reason? You guessed it: He was on meth and wanted to go back to jail because he “fucking hates Portland.”

Hey, every man has his reasons for dropping trou and tossing one off. Personally, my reason is usually Heidi Watney. But standing outside of a youth center and spanking it solely because you want to go back to prison and fucking hate Portland is a bit unorthodox. For what is left of his sanity, he might want to be a little more reserved when he gets back in the clink…

Wait, there’s more: Here Are Two Big Reasons To Start Rooting For The Marlins And Yes We’re Talking About Boobs

You have got to see this shit:

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