Here Are Two Big Reasons To Start Rooting For The Marlins And Yes We’re Talking About Boobs

boobs marlins game

by Frank Rhombus

You’re not complaining about pace of play now, are you, you little millennial fucks?

Let’s be honest: The Miami Marlins are a goddamn disaster. But hey, that’s what happens when the owner is the world’s second-largest sack of fuck and the franchise’s future goes on a coke bender, gets behind the wheel of a boat and crashes it into a Miami Beach jetty at 65 m.p.h.

So now that we know the two biggest reasons behind Miami’s pig shit awful 13-20 start, you should understand why setting aside three hours of your day to watch them struggle through nine innings would be a bigger waste of time than attending a Corey Feldman concert.

Well, at least that was the case. Here are two big reasons why you should now be tuning in to every single Marlins home game the rest of the way:

Anybody else have a sudden yearning for a glass of milk?

The Marlins might have lost again to the Cardinals Wednesday night, but I feel like everybody else won…

Wait, there’s more: Can You Find The Big Black Dildo In This Picture The Mets Tweeted Friday Night?

You have got to see this shit:

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