Just Checking In Annnnnnnd Carlos Gomez Is Still Fucking Garbage

carlos gomez sucks

by Frank Rhombus

If you’re into players who try to put the ball into the Disneyland parking lot on a 1-2 pitch but fail miserably every goddamn time, then boy, do we have the guy for you.

Carlos Gomez – yes, that Carlos Gomez – somehow managed to make a Major League Baseball roster this year. Not only that, but Jeff Banister must already be sick and tired of winning AL West titles because this fucking guy has Gomez…wait for it…leading off for his ball club.

While the rest of the Rangers lineup made Angels starting pitcher Tyler Skaggs look like, well, Tyler Skaggs Tuesday night, Gomez “worked” all three of his at-bats to a 1-2 count and then swung like he was trying to kill a swarm of bees, which obviously resulted in a miss every damn time.

By the time Gomez made his way into the batter’s box for the fourth time in the top of the sixth inning, Skaggs had been pulled from the game because he had been battered worse than a girl going through Chris Brown’s cellphone. Once again, Gomez found himself facing a two-strike count, but hot damn, the dude somehow found a way to make contact, only to see it result in a fielder’s choice to end the inning.

Fast-forward to the top of the ninth inning, and it was once again Chuck Gomez stepping up to the plate to face some other no-named pitcher the rest of the league had turned into the village bicycle, and the fucking guy once again dug himself into a 1-2 hole, and once again, the guy swung and missed at the next pitch.

And on top of that 0-for-5 with four strikeouts performance? Oh, you guessed it, bitch: The one-time Gold Glove Award winner ran in front of Nomar Mazara and committed an error on what would have been a can o’fucking corn for the Rangers right fielder.

Sure, the season is younger than a girl Roman Polanski likes to rape, but Gomez already has 10 strikeouts in his first 27 at-bats to go along with just three hits, and that’s “good” enough for a .111 average. We’ve been saying since Obama began his second term and we’ll say it again, even though we shouldn’t have to because it’s so damn obvious: Carlos Gomez is fucking garbage.

Good day…

Wait, there’s more: Justin Verlander Has Got A Dirty, Whorish Mouth

You have got to see this shit:

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