Here’s A Hockey Player Breaking A Stick Over Another Player’s Back
by Tommy Gimler
Or as it’s known in Michael Fassbender’s house: foreplay.
It appears as though nobody told the Columbus Blue Jackets that their first-round playoff series against the Pittsburgh Penguins started this week, as Sidney Crosby and company have jumped out to a 2-0 lead thanks in large part to the Penguins being the Penguins and the Blue Jackets being pure dog shit.
Friday night’s result? You guessed it: A 4-1 ass pounding that was sealed when Patric Hornqvist found the net with less than a minute to go in the game. To say that didn’t sit well with Columbus’s Matt Calvert would be a bigger understatement than saying I’d like to sit next to Kate Upton on a Virgin America flight, as everybody knows I would eat grape Jell-O out of her magnificent asshole.
Watch as Calvert takes his stick and busts it across Tom Kuhnhackl’s spine ten seconds later:
Yeah, that’s some Modesto trailer park shit right there, Matt.
Now we don’t pretend to know much about hockey here at The DUD, so we’re not sure if that’s par for the course when it comes to Calvert or if he’s just on the rag. So we had our intern do a little digging, and he found Calvert’s intro video from his high school days. You be the judge…
Wait, there’s more: The Responses To The Chief Wahoo Protests Are Pretty Goddamn Funny
You have got to see the shark blanket grandma made: