Jim Harbaugh Will Destroy His Kids In A Game Of Basketball If That’s What It Takes To Win
by Tommy Gimler
Show me somebody more competitive than Jim Harbaugh, and I’ll show you a fucking liar.
Case in point is this story his brother John told Sports Illustrated’s Peter King about a family pickup game of hoops that all of sudden turned competitive when Jim found his team down 5-1:
We get Jim to drive up with the kids and all that, and we have a basketball hoop in the front yard in the driveway, and we were going to play a little game with the kids, and we just started shooting around, and next thing you know it was a 4-on-4 game.
It was Jack, who is two-and-a-half, Addy, who is six, Katie, who is four-and-a-half or five at the time, Allison who is 13 or 14 and she is a little basketball player, and Jim and me and Sarah, my wife. We’re playing, and you can picture the kind of game it is, right? Allison happens to hit a couple jumpers and we’re playing to seven, and we’re up maybe 5-1. Next thing you know, Jim starts going over the top of Allison for rebounds, he’s boxing her out 10 feet away from the basket. Next thing you know, it’s 5-5 and Jim has made all the shots for his team of course.
I’m like, you know, maybe Addy would like to touch the ball? Maybe Katie or Jack could dribble a little bit now and then?
It goes 6-6 and a long rebound comes out the side, he goes and gets it. I see Allison happens to be over there, so I see him going to the basket, he’s going to take Allison to the hole, you know, he’s about 6’3”, 235, so I’m going to go cut him off. I get him with my right arm bar across his chest and I’m trying to body check him into the pricker bushes behind the driveway, and he just powers his way to the basket, lays one over the top, a reverse layup off the board, and all he could talk about is how he won. He picks up Jack and says, “Doesn’t it feel great, Jack, to win? Doesn’t it feel great to win?”
An hour later we were crossing paths in the backyard to go get a soda or something, and he looks me right in the eye and he says, “Hey John, have you won anything yet?”
Jesus Christ, Jimmy. I mean, let’s hope he takes it down a notch in the bedroom when it comes to him and his wife getting their rocks off. Remember, Jim, you don’t win unless both of you cross the finish line there, preferably her first.
Again, that story alone pretty much seals the deal when it comes to naming Harbaugh the most competitive man in sports, just a c-hair in front of degenerate gambler Michael Jordan. However, if you’re throwing fictional characters into the mix, he’s still a distant second behind “The Duke” from Major League, who apparently once threw at his own kid during a father-son game:
You have got to see this shit:
Here’s 45 seconds of my dog farting louder than any human I’ve ever heard (last one is the worst) pic.twitter.com/4xDGoqrgnJ
— Billy Howard (@billyhoward930) March 3, 2017