Here’s What Bears Fans Are Saying About The Possibility Of Mike Glennon At QB For $15 Million A Year

mike glennon bears

by Tommy Gimler

Suddenly another year of Brian Hoyer at six bucks per game doesn’t seem so fucking bad.

According to Yahoo! Sports, the last team still chasing Mike Glennon – yes, that Mike Glennon – is the Chicago Bears. Even we feel sorry for the poor fuckers who bleed navy blue, white and burnt orange or whatever the shit colors their beloved team is sporting these days because get this, kids: The Bears might be willing to give Glennon $15 million a year for his services.


So, we reached out to several Bears fans who either read the DUD or eye fuck the shit out of my wife at every event we show up to, and here’s what they had to say about the prospect of Mike Glennon under center for $15 million a year:

“$15 million would be better spent on Mike Tirico. He could hand out chalupas to all the fans on their way inside the stadium.” – Dave from Los Angeles

“I watched precisely 2 1/2 Bears games last season and nearly killed myself. Adding Glennon to the mix for $15 million will certainly lead to me taking a forever nap.” – Gary from Culver City, CA

“Mike Glennon at quarterback will guarantee that I will be watching the Red Zone Channel each week. I’d rather pay $15 million to fund a Jay Cutler porn.” – Jason from Los Angeles

“Tommy, I heard that you have a good arm. Maybe you should make a move from writing to throwing. I hear the Bears just give away money these days.” – Chris from Buffalo Grove, IL

“I don’t know why the Bears would bring in someone else. They have an elite gunslinger with a cannon arm under contract, still.”  - Doug from Kenosha, WI

“Rex Grossman talent at a Jay Cutler price. And then the father sat down next to his prepubescent son with his head in his hands and said, ‘I’m sorry, son, but it’s going to be five more playoff-less years.’” – Justin from Los Angeles

“It’s like Cade McNown and Rex Grossman had a baby. The McCaskeys, Ryan Pace and John Fox can all go eat a bag of monster dicks. I mean, to not even talk to Deshaun Watson at the Combine is so ridiculous. The Bears are a joke. We’re basically the Colorado Rockies of football.” – Brady from West Hollywood, CA

Of course, Packers fans had pretty much the exact opposite reaction:

“Fuck, Gimler. Glennon to the Bears? That’s amazing. The only thing that could make this day better is if your sister came over here and stuck her tongue in my ass.” – Ryan from West Bend, WI

Thanks, guys…

Wait, there’s more: Here’s A Ski Instructor With A Tree Branch Stuck In His Face

You have got to see this shit:

What do you think? Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Image Description