Vlade Divac Really Shoved It Up Kings Fans’ Peeholes When He Said He Passed Up A Better Offer For DeMarcus Cousins
by Frank Rhombus
Of course, any deal other than the one the Kings accepted from New Orleans would likely fall under the “better” category. I mean, was there no way to throw in an Anthony Davis used condom?
The stories coming out of Sacramento regarding the shitdickery that went down Sunday night are crazier than Gary Busey.
There are reports that Kings owner Vivak Ranadive thinks Buddy Hield is the next Steph Curry, and that’s why he forced GM Vlade Divac to send their best player to New Orleans in exchange for Hield, two turds and a few draft picks. Another report is suggesting that the deal was so fucked up that it makes Hope Solo’s hump hole look pristine, and the proof is that even the video game NBA 2K17 thought the trade was “too lopsided.”
So if you’re keeping score at home, the binary code version of the Kings rejected the deal while their real-life counterparts took it up the tailpipe with their faces being smushed into the pillows.
And then, just when what’s left of the Sacramento fan base began to slowly back away from the ledge, Divac stepped up to the microphone and basically pushed them over said ledge by saying this shit:
Yep, Vlade actually said this. pic.twitter.com/CEW7aynAZ2
— Dieter Kurtenbach (@dkurtenbach) February 20, 2017
I mean, holy fuck, kids. That is pretty much the equivalent to Vlade’s wife Anna sitting him down at an Applebee’s and asking him if he’s slept with any other woman in the last year, and he looks her in the eyes and maybe rubs her arm a little before he says, “Yes, your sister,” and then of course just stares at her with the “Well, are you going to say something?” look.
Again, if you missed it in the video, a reporter asked Kings GM Vlade Divac if he felt like he could have gotten more for Boogie Cousins, and he responded that he probably would have gotten less than the shitheap that has likely arrived at Sacramento International Airport by now because he had actually turned down a much better offer for Cousins two days ago.
So now, I guess the only question left to answer is, “What is Vlade Divac going to do with all of his free time next year?”
Perhaps the only good news for Kings fans is that their old Tyreke Evans jerseys can be upgraded from cum rags to once again wearable…
Wait, there’s more: Who Owns The Most Unfortunate Name In Sports History?
You have got to see this shit: