Former Falcons Running Back Jamal Anderson Is Apparently Spending His Retirement Years Masturbating At Gas Stations

jamal-anderson

by Tommy Gimler

Sorry, pal, but 60 percent of the time you’re going to get penalized for that dirty bird every time.

That doesn’t make any sense, and neither does the fact that former Atlanta Falcons star running back Jamal Anderson is walking into gas stations these days and yanking his crank.

That’s right, kids. The man who once compiled three consecutive 1,000-yard seasons on the ground for the Falcons – including a monster season in 1998 in which he ran for 1,846 yards on 410 carries – has been cited for criminal trespassing after employees at a QuikTrip in Suwanee, Georgia early Wednesday morning caught Anderson exposing himself and punching his clown.

Anderson apparently started giving the cashier money for no reason and then went to the back of the store and pulled out his cock and balls. When an employee went back there to clean the grill, he noticed Anderson was, well, cleaning his. After being asked to leave multiple times, Anderson did just that but not before trying to climb into somebody else’s truck as it was “pulling off.”

Police eventually caught up with Anderson but did not arrest him because the gas station manager declined to press charges. So, they just slapped him with a criminal trespassing citation, had an Uber driver come pick him up and went about the rest of their morning.

And that is why I no longer drive for Uber.

Anderson has since been banned from the QuikTrip and will be arrested if he ever comes back. He is also responsible for this gem of a 911 call:

“Lovely.”

I could be wrong, but I think that’s the same thing police said when they arrested Anderson for doing a line of blow off a nightclub toilet bowl in ’08. Great guy…

Wait, there’s more: This Dickhead Wake Forest Football Radio Announcer Was Allegedly Leaking His Own Team’s Game Plans To Opponents

You have got to see this shit:

What do you think? Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Image Description