If Trump Can Win Presidency Then So Can We With These NFL And College Football Bets, Bro

NFL: Preaseason-Pittsburgh Steelers at New Orleans Saints

by Rakesh the Intern

Don’t get mad at Rakesh for this Trump guy winning election. I can’t vote, bro.

But I do have right in this country to analyze this silly game of American football and give you my best advice on who to bet mad Rupee on so you can afford Christmas present and maybe even hooker this year.

Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, bro:


Cincinnati at Central Florida OVER 51.5 Points

Listen, bro. This shit from Cincinnati team has played in nine games this year and the under has hit in all nine of them, my friend. Sooner or later, the opposite is going to happen. It’s like Cousin Anagi when she was in college. She would let something like 13 guys in her at one time, and she would keep doing this like nothing bad was going to happen, bro. Well, I’ll tell you something. A little while later, her poon broke. Sick shit, bro. #NoTaintLeft or whatever the kids in the country would say. Anyway, load and lock up on the over in this one, bro…

Tulsa at Navy OVER 69.5 Points

Check it out, bro. This Tulsa defense is shit from pig, allowing more than 177 yards per game on the ground. This Navy defense is even worse, bro, and that is not something you want to hear when it comes to the guys in charge of defending our country. I mean, if their defense on this planet’s waters are as goat shit as their football team’s, then we might want to think about stocking up on canned peas or whatever, bro. And this Tulsa team score more than black foreign exchange student in white Ohio town. That’s why I put fat Rupee, like Uncle Rishabh fat (dude is like 400-pounder now), on the over in this one, bro…

Texas Tech at Oklahoma State OVER 89.5 Points

Let me tell you something, bro. When thugs in Vegas set point total at 90 point, usually that means thousand point will be scored in this one. Taking under at 90 point would seem like it’s too good to be true, but let me tell you about this too good to be true shit. It’s real. Just ask Uncle Shyam. He once see 400 Rupees sitting in street of Howrah, so he was like, “Rakesh, this is too good to be true.” Turns out it was, bro, because Uncle Shyam walked out into street to pick up money and was run over by rickshaw. Sad shit, bro. Take over in this one, bro…


Houston at Jacksonville (-1.5)

So let me get this straight, bro. This shit from pig Jaguars team continues to lose game after game yet they are favorites against team that is currently leading division? I’m telling you, bro. Something here smells fishier than my ex-girlfriend Akansh’s poon, and she was biggest slut in Howrah. Something tells me Jaguars run away with this one because if they lose, coach will be on more of the hundreds of thousands of people in Florida without job, bro…

Green Bay (-2.5) at Tennessee

I’ll be honest, bro. I was unaware that this Tennessee still had pro team. But I like how gay quarterback Aaron Rodgers for Green Bay says he will have team of millionaires excited to play football game again this week. I trust him, bro…

Dallas at Pittsburgh (-2.5) and OVER 49.5 Points

Like Rakesh taking two American girlies to pound town at same time, offering up two bets in one game is very rare, like Cousin Gokul getting poon rare. Dude was born with baby left arm, and the girlies get physically sick when they see it. Sad shit, bro. Anyhow, my friend, this Dallas team has cover spread in like seven straight games and under has hit in four straight Steeler games. Like Cousin Anagi and her busted poon, different shit will eventually happen and you don’t want to be late like Latino woman’s period, bro…

Last week: 2-4

2016 season: 25-30

NCAA: 12-16

NFL: 13-14

Wait, there’s more, bro: Pregnant Girlfriend/Absolute Bitch Ends FIU Tight End’s Season After Dumping Pot Of Boiling Water Over His Head

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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