Don’t Miss Making Bookie Your Bitch This Weekend With These NFL And College Football Bets


by Rakesh the Intern

Last week’s gettings were so good that I can still smell both hookers on me, bro.

For first time this year, Rakesh think there is good eating on Friday night. Load and lock up on that Clemson under and buy yourself extra half-hour with prostitute.

Here is what I am thinking this weekend, bro:


Clemson at Boston College UNDER 43 Points

Listen, bro. This Clemson team is coming off of emotional win and now their homes might no longer exist from this bitch Hurricane Matthew. They will be thinking about whether or not their side pieces back home will be OK, so much so that they will play shit from pig game. Might want to think about Boston College +17.5 here as well. They seem like kind of school who doesn’t care if South gets destroyed. Just a hunch, bro…

Toledo at Eastern Michigan OVER 69 Points

Check it out, bro. I do enjoy this number 69 position with American girlies, although the last hooker I buy with winnings says she couldn’t get hair from Rakesh’s massive bush out of her teeth for something like a week. Can’t shave the sacred shit, bro. Well, in this game, my friend, both offense will like move quicker than sailor in port or whatever you call it in this country. I figure if this Eastern Michigan can put 24 point on board, you will win enough to buy hooker here…

Northern Illinois at Western Michigan (-17.5)

Seriously, bro. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain. Western Michigan might not lose game this year because they are what boss says is “shit your pants” awesome team. This Northern Illinois team? Not so much, bro…


Chicago at Indianapolis OVER 47.5 Points

Listen, bro. This Chicago team? Shit from pig. This Colts team? Shit from goat. The scoring in this one will be easier than my ex-girlfriend Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah. Word is these days she no longer has taint, bro. Humped that thing right off, I guess. In Chicago, if you would have told me two weeks ago that this Brian Hoyer would be better than Jay Cutler, I would have had to believe you because this Cutler is fucking garbage, my friend. Load and lock up on over in this one, bro…

Tennessee at Miami OVER 43 Points

I’m telling you, bro. Silly American dipshit bettors have already bet this game down to 43 point, and by the time Sunday rolls around, you will probably be able to get this at 42. Look, bro. All week we hear that this Marcus Mariotta is shit from pig and for like last three years we hear same thing about this Ryan Tannehill douche. And when that happen, that’s when you can expect Mariotta to remove head from anus and show he actually know how to play quarterback. Good luck with that under, you fucking moron. You will be wiping your balloon knot with that ticket by third quarter when over hits, bro…

Cincinnati (-2) at Dallas

Check it out, bro. This Dallas team is young and has gotten off to nice start. But so did Cousin Monaj, my friend. Then he gets crushed by runaway elephant trying to cross street in Howrah, and now he has major limp and is uglier than shit. Sad shit, bro. This one is almost must-win game for Bengals. They are not bad team, it is just that they have schedule that is harder than Cousin Gokul when he walks into disco. Load and lock up on Bengal in this one, bro…

Last week: 4-2

2016 season: 12-12

NCAA: 6-6

NFL: 6-6

Wait, there’s more, bro: Jacksonville Newspaper Headline: ‘Jack Off To Promising Start’

You have got to see this shit, bro:

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