Betting On College Football And NFL This Week Is Easier Than My Ex-Slut Girlfriend Akansh

Rakesh

by Rakesh the Intern

Everybody got piece of that poon, bro. No joke. Cousin Gokul with his baby left arm hit that shit, and even my father Mahesh said he once pissed on her at bachelor party. Sick shit, bro.

Last week, we go 3-3, which I guess in your country is a lot like fisting your sister or some shit. First week is toughest, bro, because we just don’t know what each team will bring to table. Well, now we do, my friend, and it is time to trade in grandpa’s savings bonds and use them to make bookie big time bitch.

Here is what I am thinking for this weekend, bro:

NCAA

Ohio at Tennessee (-27)

Check it out, bro. It is good to see these boys from Knoxville are back to playing good football instead of sitting at home and fucking sister, my friend. Still, I guess that is better than Uncle Kunal back home in Howrah, who we once caught fucking goat at family reunion. Sick shit, bro. Anyway, this Tennessee team is looking for somebody to administer same kind of beat down my Aunt Tanvi used to get from Uncle Omkar. He’s in prison now for fixing local cricket match, but winning money against this shit from pig Ohio team also feels like we should be getting jail time for it. Shit’s just to easy, bro…

Vanderbilt at Georgia Tech (-6.5)

Listen, bro. We are going to play the fact that this Vanderbilt team is pure goat shit, my friend. It would be a lot like if you saw two people about to have race in streets of Howrah, and one of them was missing both legs. That sorry fucker will be Vanderbilt in this case. This shit from pig team only throw for 93 yards per game, and that is going to be bigger bitch than Aunt Neha when this Tech team go up by 20 in the 4th quarter, my friend…

Middle Tennessee State at Bowling Green OVER 72 Points

Let me tell you something, bro. This Middle Tennessee team gave up 47 point to that shit from pig Vanderbilt team in their first game. This Bowling Green defense gave up something like 776 yards against Ohio State. By my calculation that I draw in sand with stick, I think this one should hit by halftime, and game total might be as high at 130 point, my friend. No joke, bro. This one is almost as simple as Cousin Harish, and he was born with just three-quarter brain, my friend…

NFL

Baltimore at Cleveland OVER 42.5 Points

I’ll tell you something, bro. This RGIII guy is more brittle than Grandpa Sahir, and that guy once broke two bones and then bled to death from paper cut. Sad shit, bro. Both times this Josh McCown nerd play quarterback for this shit from pig Browns team against this shit from goat Ravens team last year, the two teams combine for at least 60 point. Load and lock up on the over in this bitch, bro…

San Francisco at Carolina(-13.5)

Listen, bro. This Cam Newton and Carolina Panthers remind me a lot of New York Mets. When you expect them to win and put kid’s college fund on them to do so, they go all Grandpa Ankur on us and shit bed. But when stupid American public bet heavy on opponent, they come and take teeth, set on curb, and kick harder than retard trying to swim. Easy Rupee here, bro…

Seattle at Los Angeles (+6.5)

This Los Angeles team somehow win both games against Seattle last year, and now that this quarterback Russell Wilson ejaculate in offseason, I don’t think he will be same player. If NFL was not fixed like Uncle Shyam’s poodle, then this line would be Seattle by at least 20 point. You should probably wait until game day on this one and watch line get even fatter. Like Uncle Rishabh fat, bro. Dude is like 400-pounder now. Probably could get this Rams team with more than tuddy, and that’s when you will tell bookie, “Hey, now you’re my bitch.”

Last week: 3-3

2016 overall: 3-3

NCAA: 2-1

NFL: 1-2

Wait, there’s more, bro: The Bills Mafia Is Back, Bro

You have got to see this shit, bro:

bills-fan-grabbing-ass

 

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